Walstone/Walbridge County

Top 10 Best Remakes

2012-01-27T10:18:00.000-06:00

This list has to assume that there is such a things as a good remake, or that remakes are a good idea. With the exception of the first five films on this list (The Departed as a particular standout), remakes are often made from films that a) didn't need it or b) were not that good to begin with. That being said, with Peter Jackson's King Kong, I began thinking there might be a place for the remake in the viewing cue. However, I have to say upon rewatching that film, I admire the original King Kong for all the exposition it didn't give us more than the Jackson film, which is half padding.

1. The Departed(2006)

remake of Internal Affairs (2002)

2. King Kong (2005)

2^nd remake of King Kong (1933)

3. Heat (1995)

remake of L. A. Takedown (1989)

4. The Fly (1986)

remake of The Fly (1958)

5. The TenCommandments (1956)

remake of The Ten Commandments (1923)

6. Meet JoeBlack (1998)

remake of Death Takes a Holiday (1934)

7. FourBrothers (2005)

remake of The Sons of Katie Elder (1965)

8. Death at aFuneral (2010)

remake of Death at a Funeral (2007)

9. Angels inthe Outfield (1994)

remake of Angels in the Outfield (1951)

10. The ParentTrap (1998)

remakeof The Parent Trap (1961)

Top 10 Worst Sequels

2012-01-25T22:18:00.000-06:00

This list was significantly harder to compile. I could've had a lot more fun compiling a list of sequels to bad movies, but I kept to sequels of movies that entertained me (even if they're not the best films). I also refrained from including any Disney direct-to-DVD sequel (though it was very hard not to include Lady and the Tramp II: Scamp's Adventure), though I have included a few DVD-only titles.

1. CaddyshackII (1988)

sequel to Caddyshack

2. Batman andRobin (1997)

3^rdsequel to Batman: 5^thBatman film

3. Jaws: TheRevenge (1987)

3^rdsequel to Jaws

4. SupermanIV: The Quest for Peace (1987)

3^rd sequel to Superman

5. MuppetTreasure Island (1996)

Sequel to The Muppet ChristmasCarol; 5^th Muppet film

6. NationalLampoon’s European Vacation (1985)

Sequel to National Lampoon’sVacation

7. AmericanPsycho 2: All-American Girl (2002)

Sequel to American Psycho

8. The OddCouple II (1998)

Sequel to The Odd Couple

9. Big TopPee-Wee (1988)

Sequel to Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure

10. TheNeverending Story III: Escape from Fantasia (1994)

2^ndsequel to The Neverending Story

Top 10 Best Sequels

2012-01-23T15:26:00.003-06:00

With theunexpected quality and success of the fourth Mission: Impossible film, it felt appropriate to look back at thesequel films that improve upon the original. Now, this is my listed opinion, soyou will not find The Godfather Part II orfilms that I think are simply “on par.” This is literally the list of the tenthat improved upon the first film. Also, I have kept to the third or fourthsequel so that the Harry Potter filmsdon’t dominate it. After the list was compiled, they were ranked based oncinematic quality alone.

1. The DarkKnight (2008)

sequel to Batman Begins; 7^th Batman film

2. Star Wars,Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)

sequel to Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope; 2^ndfilm in series

3. The Lordof the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

2^nd sequel to The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring; 3^rdfilm in series

4. Star TrekII: The Wrath of Kahn (1982)

sequel to Star Trek: The Motion Picture; 2^nd film in series

5. TheRescuers Down Under (1990)

sequel to The Rescuers

6. Aliens (1986)

sequel to Alien; 2^nd film in series

7. Harry Potterand the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

2^nd sequel to Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone; 3^rdin series

8. Hot Shots!: Part Deux (1993)

sequelto Hot Shots!

9. Lethal Weapon 3 (1992)

2^ndsequel to Lethal Weapon

10. Mission: Impossible—Ghost Protocol (2011)

3^rdsequel to Mission: Impossible; 4^thin series

FAMILY GUY: VOLUME NINE DVD Review

2012-01-02T10:02:00.006-06:00

We all know the show’shistory. After its first two seasons, Seth MacFarlane’s Family Guy was cancelled by Fox. But, a last-minute reprieve fromthe studio allowed a third season. But, from the look on the books, nobody waswatching the damned thing. So, they cancelled it again. Until they saw the DVDsales of the first two volumes of the show, they didn’t know they hadsomething. So, they greenlit it again. Ever since, the show has been on theair. But, something’s happened.

After Fox made a foolof itself twice, they were determined not to let it happen again. Therefore,they let Seth MacFarlane do whatever he wants. This appears to be a mistake. Atepid comedy called American Dad stillslinks around the airways as does a terrible show called The Cleveland Show. And now, the suffering has extended to the showthat started it all.

Beginning with theepisode “Padre de Familia” in the sixth season, the show has seen a rapiddecline in quality. This episode was pieced together by Fox during the Writer’sStrike, which affected a lot of shows that year. They’ve really not been ableto get it back. The two episodes that suffered the worst from this decline arenow available on the ninth volume of the FamilyGuy DVDs. Joy.

Fans know the volumesof DVDs are total crap. You get half of one season and half of another,amounting to half of a regular season of television. I suppose they do this tomake money throughout the year. But, this volume has been long-awaited (severalmonths since the last release) and, sitting down with it, I don’t remember whatwe were waiting for.

The first discincludes a few nice episodes: “Business Guy,” “Extra Large Medium,” and “Go,Stewie, Go.” The middle episode is particularly good for two reasons: itreminded people of how controversial the show can be, and it gave Peter aplayable subplot for the first time in a long time. In the episode, Chris fallsin love with a girl with Down’s syndrome. The actress who plays the roleactually also has Down’s. But, despite this, the episode claimed the girl wasSarah Palin’s daughter and it caused a bit of a cultural row. Which is what Family Guy is supposed to do.

The first disc alsoincludes an episode of The Cleveland Show.Oh, gee, thanks, guys.

The second disc hasone funny episode—“Quagmire’s Dad”—where Glen finds out his dad wishes to be awoman. Outside of this, this is a sad disc—“Peter-Assment,” “Brian Griffin’sHouse of Payne,” and “The Splendid Source” leave much to be desired.

The final disc includes“Excellence in Broadcasting” and “Welcome Back, Carter,” which are both solidepisodes. The former funny indeed because of its endorsement by Rush Limbaugh,who provides hid own voice for an episode that makes fun of him.

But, the supposed “crownjewels” of this set are the two episodes which, I think, point to the show’sdecline the sharpest: “Brian and Stewie,” the infamous 150^thepisode, and an extended version of “And Then There Were Fewer,” a parody ofmurder mysteries that opened the ninth season.

To “Brian and Stewie”first—you have to imagine a Family Guy episodewith no cutaways, a revelation of a suicide wish, and the consuming ofexcrement. It’s more like watching Salo,or the 120 Days of Sodom than an animated adult cartoon.

It is unfunny,careless, stupid, and pisses all over every FamilyGuy fan ever. It is also vomit-inducing, depressing, time-consuming, andboring. I think that’s all. No, it’s also shit. There we go.

As for “And ThenThere Were Fewer,” it is an episode that even gets its own “Making of”featurette, so you know the creators are proud of it. But, I’m not sure why.The episode opens with a two-minute credit sequence that involves Family Guy’s first foray into widescreenand complete digital animation. This leads to another episode with no cutawaysthat, while plotted well, is not anything spectacular. The extended version isslightly funnier than the broadcast version, but that is no reason to cheer.

The discs also includesome commentary, some animatic comparisons, a “lost phone call” between Brianand Stewie, “Family Guy at Comic-Con2010,” and a very funny special called “The History of the World—According to Family Guy,” which includes all thehistorical cutaway jokes from past, far funnier seasons.

This is a bad reviewof a bad box set. But, it is more a call to the writers and creator of Family Guy to step it back up a fewnotches. We still want you to be funny. If you can’t, get off television. Ifyou can, do better than you’ve been doing. It’s like you’ve forgotten how to beentertaining. And that’s very sad.

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS Review

2011-12-28T16:24:00.002-06:00

In this world of tepid bromances, itis refreshing for a film to simply come out of the closet and declare itself astraight-up (pardon the pun) homosexual romp. Other than Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, there has not been a filmdrenched in so much homoeroticism since BrokebackMountain.

Okay, perhaps this is a bit of anexaggeration, but it was clear from the presence of the 2009 film that,regardless of what femme fatale graced the screen, the true love story of thisfilm series was going to be between the ruthlessly brilliant Holmes (lovinglyportrayed by Robert Downey, Jr.) and the much put-upon Dr. Watson (Jude Law).

Summarizing the plot, like for Mission: Impossible—Ghost Protocol,would be useless. I’m not sure if the screenwriters are purposefully makingtheir plots so twisted that no one focuses on the holes, but I couldn’t tellyou what the action of the movie was really about if my life depended on it.Needless to say, like The Dark Knight,we have saved the great villain for the sequel in the role of ProfessorMoriarty, played splendidly by Jared Harris. Then, there are diabolicalschemes, anarchist groups, gypsies, and bombs. You know, typical 19^thcentury stuff.

Even if I can’t detail it for you, Ican tell you that it takes the plot nearly an hour to begin unfolding and,while you may normally appreciate more time developing the characters, thegrace of the first film was that it kept moving while revealing character and,by now, we already know them so it’s not required. This film could not beaccused of forward motion. It needs a good half an hour cut off, probably from thebeginning so you could get onto the damned thing quicker. Dropping the Irenesubplot, the wedding, or the stag party could have allowed us to move with thesame rapidity of thought as the first venture.

There is a wonderful guest role inSherlock’s brother, played by Stephen Fry. I think he is there to make thehomoeroticism pulse with more…fervor and to make things more uncomfortable forpretty much everyone involved. And we have to be thankful for it. Also, one ofthe gypsies figures in the plot in a big way. Though it took me a few momentsto pinpoint who the actress was playing the Madam, the jagged features eventuallyproved themselves to be that of Noomi Rapace, who memorably played LisbethSalander in the Swedish language television film versions of the Millennium Trilogy. While not of a fanof those pieces, you have to give the actress credit for creating a trulymemorable heroine.

The good news is A Game of Shadows is enjoyable enough,but perhaps not as enjoyable as the first film and with a much too pale-yellowcolor palette which is less intriguing on the eyes. I’m like most of you—I’dprobably watch Robert Downey, Jr. juggle kittens in the street or mostanything, so it is nice to see him as always. Jude Law probably doesn’t getenough credit for what he brings to the films—a full performance in what couldbe a knock-off.

But, if they’re going to keep thisfilm series going, they will have to conjure up a better plot (and a bettertold plot) in the next one. Or Hollywood could actually produce a movie with anew story, not based on something that already exists. Wait, what am I saying?

RobertDowney, Jr. as Sherlock Holmes
Jude Law asDr. John Watson
Noomi Rapaceas Madam Simza Heron
RachelMcAdams as Irene Adler
Jared Harrisas Professor James Moriarty
Stephen Fryas Mycroft Holmes

Director—GuyRitchie
Screenwriters—MicheleMulroney and Kieran Mulroney
Based upon characterscreated by Arthur Conan Doyle
Producers—SusanDowney, Dan Lin, Joel Silver, and Lionel Wigram
Composer—HansZimmer
Director ofPhotography—Phillippe Rousselot
Editor—JamesHerbert

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE-- GHOST PROTOCOL Review

2011-12-27T18:08:00.001-06:00

We have many new film series whichare being revamped, prolonged, restarted, scattered, smothered, and covered. Noseries needed a revamp less than the Mission:Impossible series. After Tom Cruise seemed to nail his coffin with one toomany Xenu-induced social gaffes, I figured it was dead as a door-nail. Theoriginal 1996 Brian DePalma film left many unable to summarize even its plot; JohnWoo’s Mission: Impossible II was aglamorous and improved 2000 follow-up, and the third installment from 2006(directed by J. J. Abrams) received a warm reception despite being interestingonly for its villain.

The fourth film Mission: Impossible—Ghost Protocol, is a nearly masterful spythriller that comes out of nowhere. I don’t know anybody who wanted it. But,here it is and, boy, is it fun. The phenomenally talented animator Brad Bird (The Iron Giant, The Incredibles) shows an equally deft hand as a live-actionfilmmaker. If you remember the climactic action scenes of The Incredibles, then you remember some of the most adventurous andcreative filmmaking ever in animation. Now, imagine an entire film made fromthis same craft and excitement and you have a sense of how much fun MI:4 is.

The studio has made a very smartmove by making Cruise almost invisible in the film. He is far from the mostinteresting thing in it—filling out the cast with the British comedian SimonPegg and the rising star Jeremy Renner, Cruise has become a supporting elementto his own franchise. I say this is smart because many believe his publicantics led to the real misfire of his last action-adventure flick Knight and Day. Cruise allows himself tolook dirty and less Messiah-like in this film (as opposed to M:I 2 where his hair was always inplace) and equal time is given to the supporting roles.

To summarize the plot is a superfluousactivity. Something about Russians and the threat of nuclear war and blah blahblah. It doesn’t really matter, because what you are watching are the exceptionallyplanned action scenes, which do the filmic equivalent of rolling off the tongueof the picture. Partially shot with IMAX cameras, it is gorgeous to look at andmakes such dull-and-crusty areas of the world like Moscow, Mumbai, and Budapestlook stunning in their cityscapes and vistas.

Pegg Is hilarious and Renner isdutiful, but the performance to watch belongs to Léa Seydoux, who plays an assassin named Moreau who controlsthe plot twist in the middle of the film. Dazzling in her beauty and confidentin her attitude, not only does the camera loves her, but you really feel sheholds her own among the big wigs on the screen. As for the less villainouswoman, played by Paula Patton—while she is lovely to look at, she has oneemotion, which she plays like a guitarist who knows one song. There might besome slight variation each time she picks it, but it’s the same thing.

I look forward to seeing a lot moreof Brad Bird’s work as a filmmaker. I think he’s paid his dues for makingsomething that would make money. I would love to see him do something smallnow. He managed to bring wit and intelligence to an action series that wasdrier than flatbread. Who knows what he can do with material more worthwhile?

While a bit overlong, M:I 4 is worth seeing and worth enjoying—particularlyin IMAX.

Tom Cruiseas Ethan Hunt

JeremyRenner as Brandt

Simon Peggas Benji

Paula Pattonas Jane

MichaelNyqvist as Hendricks

Léa Seydoux as Sabine Moreau

Director—BradBird

Screenwriters—JoshAppelbaum and André Nemec

Based uponthe television series Mission: Impossiblecreated by Bruce Geller

Producers—J.J. Abrams, Bryan Burk, Tom Cruise
MusicComposer—Michael Giacchino
Director ofPhotography—Robert Elswit
Editor—Paul Hirsch

Excerpt from RESOLUTIONS ELSEWHERE

2011-11-21T20:33:00.001-06:00

Isat down to write an angry play. For whatever reason, I did not achieve it. Iused to think I could not write in anger. I have learned that this is untrue.But, whether I am writing in anger or whether the play is angry, these twothings never go hand in hand. I suppose it is my unconscious way of keeping mein check. Regardless, I think there’s something in the piece below.

DEDICATION

ForReneé, of course.

There are two playing areas: center stage, thebank of Shallop Lake in Walstone, Walstone County, Alabama leading down to thewater. Above this, the bank jettisons up to another crest, overlooking the lake.As the lights fade up, YOUNG LARRY ROUNDTREE is laying near the water, withGWENDOLYN PARSONS. The two are roughly sixteen and are putting on clothes from lovemaking.GWENDOLYN is pensive, LARRY satisfied. Above them, on the crest, is a thirtyyear-old LARRY ROUNDTREE looking down on the action, lying down, with his arm danglingover the ridge. He looks at us.

LARRY:As I make my way back home, I’ve been thankin’ about little slices of my life--the remnants of whut used to be. The moment I cain’t git out of my mind is thenight after Gwendolyn, who I would marry in a rush of young love soon beforereturnin’ from the Air Force, gave herself to me for the first time. For a girlas beautiful as she was, it shook me to the core when she blankly said to me:

GWENDOLYN:(buttoning her shirt) That was myfirst time.

Silence. YOUNG LARRY looks at the ground and thenhugs her from behind.

YOUNGLARRY: Oh, baby.

LARRY:I said, like she had been graced to have me as her first.

YOUNGLARRY: I didn’t know whut this was.

LARRY:Like it would’ve made a difference. I had decided I’d be in her that night and,at that time, nothin’ else mattered.

YOUNGLARRY: I remember my first time.

LARRY:I always told stories like they had happened a long time ago. That night, I wassixteen goin’ on seventeen—jest like the song. I only had a year under mybelt...but, whut a year.

GWENDOLYN:Who was she?

Silence.

YOUNGLARRY: Well, maybe this ain’t the time.

GWENDOLYN:I need you to talk to me, Larry. I’m nervous, I’m...

YOUNGLARRY: Whut’re you nervous about?

She cries.

YOUNGLARRY: Baby. Baby baby baby...

LARRY:I listen in my head over and over again to this term of endearment and itreminds me how much I want to go back in time to that young man of sixteen...

YOUNGLARRY: It’s alright. Ever’thang’s gonna be alright.

LARRY:...and kick the ever-lovin’ shit out of him.

YOUNG LARRY is holding GWENDOLYN and dryingher eyes with his shirt.

LARRY:It’s not that I hate him. Although I do hate him. But, that smugness--that...sense of self that I hadn’t even built. Whut the Hell gave me the rightto...I know you might say it’s ridiculous for a grown man to wrassle withthangs he said as a kid...

GWENDOLYN:Larry...

LARRY:...but, I have to look at my life now as a whole. I cain’t say this or thatdidn’t happen. It is that ignorance that made me sick of home. And it is theunresolved misunderstandings that lead me back. (looking at GWENDOLYN) God, I look at her now...Jesus, she wasbeautiful...

YOUNGLARRY: I hope this don’t sound wrong, but...Well, I don’t know if there’s any waythis could sound right, but I jest assumed...

GWENDOLYN stands up and moves away.

GWENDOLYN:You assumed?! You assumed whut?! That I had [been] around before?!

Pause.

YOUNGLARRY: Well...yes.

GWENDOLYN:Jesus, Larry, couldn’t you tell?

LARRY:The truth is I cared no more for whut it felt like for her than I do now. Ihave always been a selfish asshole. (beat)[Line omitted]

YOUNGLARRY: Well...now, that I thank about it, yeah. But...

YOUNG LARRY stands.

YOUNGLARRY: Didn’t you like it?

GWENDOLYN:That’s not the point.

YOUNGLARRY: Whut’re you upset about?

Silence.

GWENDOLYN:I don’t know. It’s jest...I lost somethin’...(pause) I lost somethin’ is all.

Beat.

YOUNGLARRY: (smiling) Weren’t no point inkeepin’ it.

GWENDOLYN smiles in spite of herself.

LARRY:She always liked that smart ass sense of humor.

YOUNGLARRY: I mean, whut was you gonna do with it, keep it dusted on the shelf?

LARRY:Hell, if it hadn’t been me, it woulda been someone else.

YOUNGLARRY: Hell, if it hadn’t been me, it woulda been someone else.

LARRY:(after a beat) Shit, I cain’t believeI said that then.

YOUNGLARRY: At least it was me. At least it was someone special.

Pause. GWENDOLYN has not yet looked at YOUNGLARRY. He goes behind her and holds her.

YOUNGLARRY: Am I not...special to ya?

GWENDOLYN:Sure, Larry...

Pause.

YOUNGLARRY: Aw, come on. That ain’t no vote of confidence.

GWENDOLYN:(turning to him) Yes. You are. Youare special to me.

LARRY:I don’t thank I was really special to her until I was away. I thank she jestfelt a need to tell me somethin’ soft that night.

YOUNGLARRY: Well?

GWENDOLYN:It’s...nothin’ like whut you thank.

Pause.

YOUNGLARRY: How could it be?

from TO WANDER IN THE DUST, OR FIRE NIGHTS

2011-11-20T09:15:00.001-06:00

SCENE2

in which Bobbie Lee reaches out for Larry, whoreaches out to his wife

We are now in the double-wide home trailerof LARRY ROUNDTREE. We are still not out of darkness. All we can seeis the moonlight from outside of the window. The room is cramped. There are twovisible doors to the outside--one upstage and the other stage left--adjacent tothe bedroom. When the lights come up, we will see cheap furnishings-- oldFormica, thin wood, and worn carpet. There is one off-brand recliner and anold, ratty couch adjacent to it. There is some effort to make the place livableas it is not encrusted with debris. It has the distinct look of someone’s firsthome--and, indeed, it is. The most we might be able to make out at this time isa feminine figure in the recliner. After a moment, LARRY opens the door. Helets it swing open and we can see him backlit by the moon. He is surprised thatthe lights are off and that the door was unlocked. He steps up into the trailer.He sees the feminine figure in the chair.

LARRY:(with some familiarity) Hello.

He does not turn on the lights, but closesthe door and moves toward the shape. He crouches down to the figure, gentlykissing her forehead. The figure grabs LARRY and pulls him closer to her in anembrace. LARRY struggles with her and backs away.

LARRY:Shit.

LARRY moves away from the figure and turnson the lights. When he turns back, he sees not who he was expecting--BOBBIE LEETURNER, a young, frazzled woman who we can see was once beautiful and sunny.But, she is no longer. Her clothes are disheveled and, at the moment, so is hermanner. She remains seated on the chair. She seems many years older than she isand she is only a year or so younger than LARRY.

LARRY:Whut are you doin’ here, Bobbie Lee?

BOBBIELEE: Larry, don’t be mad...

LARRY:Shit. You cain’t just come into my home...

BOBBIELEE: (overlapping) Larry,listen...listen to me...

LARRY:You came into my house.

BOBBIELEE: Larry, I made sure I wouldn’t git in trouble. I listened to the messages.Gwendolyn called and said she won’t be home for a while.

Silence.

LARRY:(in disbelief) You listened to ourmessages?

BOBBIELEE: Larry...

LARRY:Bobbie Lee...you are startin’ to scare the shit out of me.

BOBBIELEE: Larry, please.

LARRY is finally calm. BOBBIE LEE goes tohim and touches his shoulder.

LARRY:(moving away) Bobbie...

BOBBIELEE: Where’ve you been?

LARRY moves to the kitchen counter stageright and throws two sets of keys down.

LARRY:Fire Night.

BOBBIE LEE nods and clears her throat. Shegoes to him again and attempts to kiss him. LARRY pushes her away.

LARRY:You need to git on outta here.

BOBBIELEE: I told you-- she’s pickin’ up groceries.

Beat.

LARRY:You don’t see how scary that sounds-- that you know that? That you listened toour voice mail?

BOBBIELEE: I needed to see you. They wasn’t any other way. (pause) I have to tell you somethin’.

LARRY:(sighing; not hearing her) Believeme, Bobbie Lee...we’re in so deep...

Pause. LARRY moves to the sofa.

LARRY:(exasperated) I am so fuckin’ tired.

He sits down. BOBBIE LEE moves to him, sits,and touches his back.

BOBBIELEE: I’m here.

LARRY looks at her. Silence.

LARRY:(after a beat) That asshole Manellewas talkin’ about it down at the lake. Cain’t keep anythang a God-damned secretno more.

Silence.

LARRY:You know whut would happen if Zach blabbed his big mouth all over WalstoneCounty? Everybody would know whut we were up to.

Pause.

BOBBIELEE: It kills me sometimes.

LARRY:Whut?

BOBBIELEE: That people cain’t know.

Silence.

LARRY:You shoulda never brought this into my home.

Silence.

LARRY:(rubbing his eyes) We’re goin’ toHell.

Silence.

BOBBIELEE: I didn’t know you’d told Manelle.

LARRY:Well, it was a fuckin’ mistake.

Pause.

BOBBIELEE: I thought y’all got along.

Pause.

LARRY:He’s so different now. He’s all...in himself. Like no one else exists.

BOBBIE LEE once again tries to embrace LARRY,who stands.

LARRY:Alright. You’ve seen me. Now, you have to git outta here. I’m not lettin’ thiscome into my house.

Beat.

BOBBIELEE: (suddenly angry) “This?” (beat) Why do you treat me like shit?

LARRY:Bobbie...

BOBBIELEE: (standing) No, I’m serious. Whydo you treat me like I’m nothin’? You’ll fuck me but you won’t allow me in yourhouse?

LARRY:(angered) Lower your voice.

BOBBIELEE: Fuck you!

LARRY:(with energy, but not loud) Loweryour God-damned voice.

Beat.

BOBBIELEE: (quickly switching moods) I’msorry, I’m sorry, Larry. I didn’t mean that. Please--don’t ask me to go. We’rein trouble.

LARRY:(after a beat) Whut are you eventalkin’ about? Trouble.

BOBBIELEE: Momma and Deddy know.

Silence. LARRY walks away from her. He breathesdeeply, his eyes piercing.

LARRY:How did they find out, Bobbie Lee?

BOBBIELEE: I...Maybe someone told them...

LARRY:I know you didn’t tell anybody else. How did they find out?

Pause.

LARRY:You told them, didn’t you?

Pause.

LARRY:DIDN’T YOU?!

BOBBIELEE: (a fire growing within her) Youtold me...

LARRY:I’m not goin’ through this with you.

BOBBIELEE: You told me people would be told! You told me this was not gonna remain asecret! You told me that Gwendolyn meant nothin’ to you! Now, whut’s changed?!!

Silence. LARRY looks at her.

BOBBIELEE: This is why you’ve been so cruel to me...

LARRY:Bobbie...

BOBBIELEE: You wasn’t really ever gonna tell anyone, were you?

LARRY:Let’s not git crazy, Bobbie.

BOBBIE LEE is crying, but has not lost hervoice.

BOBBIELEE: No! You planned on gittin’ rid of me. Didn’t you?

Silence.

BOBBIELEE: (rocking back and forth) DIDN’TYOU?!!

LARRY:You’re goin’ crazy, Bobbie Lee.

BOBBIELEE: CRAZY?! CRAZY?! No. (pointedly) Thisis rage, you motherfucker!

LARRY:(looking toward the door) Shutup,Bobbie Lee.

BOBBIELEE: I WENT OUT ON A LIMB FOR YOU!

LARRY:I never asked you too!

BOBBIELEE: I TOLD MY FAMILY! FOR YOU!!!

LARRY:(repeating; stepping up to her) INEVER ASKED YOU TOO!

Silence. BOBBIE LEE sobs.

BOBBIELEE: Well, where the fuck am I supposed to go?

LARRY:(anger rising) Whut the Hell are youtalkin’ about now?

BOBBIELEE: They wanna kick me out!

LARRY:Oh, Jesus.

BOBBIELEE: YEAH! THEY WANT TO THROW ME OUTTA MY OWN HOUSE!

LARRY:WELL, THANK, BOBBIE LEE! OBVIOUSLY, SOMEONE IS TRYIN’ TO TELL YOU THAT THIS WASNOT MEANT TO BE!

BOBBIE LEE raises her hand and slaps himin the face. She continues by beating on his chest. But, her strength begins tofail. LARRY, feeling some pity, lowers her onto the ground. Silence.

LARRY:Why did you tell them?

Silence.

BOBBIELEE: I love you.

Pause.

BOBBIELEE: You loved me. Whut happened?

Silence.

LARRY:I don’t know if I ever loved you, Bobbie Lee.

BOBBIE LEE begins to heave—crying withher mouth open, but unable to make a noise. Silence. Then:

BOBBIELEE: Larry...You told me you loved me. You told me it was wrong to marryGwendolyn...

LARRY:I didn’t know whut I wanted at the time.

Pause.

LARRY:I was unsure.

Pause.

LARRY:Everyone is. We’d just gotten married.

Pause.

LARRY:You were there. You were...so hurt by whut he did to you.

Pause.

LARRY:I...do love you. But...not in that way. (beat)Not in that way at all. Not anymore.

BOBBIELEE has now stopped crying. She is simply silent on the floor. A car is heardpulling up outside. LARRY looks over to the door.

LARRY:Shit. (quickly) Bobbie Lee, you gon’have to git out of here.

He lifts her up until she is standing.

LARRY:You cain’t be here. Go back home. Go to yer family—tell them you were confused.They ain’t gonna throw you out. Go.

LARRY pushes BOBBIE LEE to the other doorleading to the outside. This last push hurts her inside. LARRY is still lookingtoward the other direction.

LARRY:GO!

BOBBIE LEE quietly leaves.

from AT LEAST SEVEN WAYS TO TORTURE YOUR WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND

2011-11-17T19:14:00.001-06:00

After offering part of a chapter of a serious book, I thought I'd include this, a chapter from a book I'm not working on. But, this piece, though older, is funny.

TORTURE ROUTE#87

Arrange to callin sick from work on any given day. Make sure it’s a day when your wife orgirlfriend happens to also be off from work and invite them to share a pleasantday with you.

Purchase itemsfor a very large meal. Cook the food and serve your wife the nice lunch. Enjoy.

In the earlyevening, suggest to your wife/girlfriend that you thought the food from lunchwas exceptional and recommend that you have leftovers for dinner. Thewife/girlfriend will probably follow along—to make you happy, if they’re inthat sort of mood.

During dinner,eating the same food from earlier in the day, specifically refer to your foodas leftovers and your wife’s food asscraps. Keep on saying things like,“Gee, my leftovers are great. How are your scraps, honey? This will confuseher, but try not to let her ask why you’re doing it.

If you’rehaving trouble, use it as a segue. (ex. “Gee, these leftovers are scrumdiddly-umptious.I’ll bet your scraps are just as good. Did you hear about Britney Spearstoday?”)

Try to make itthrough the evening without giving her the opportunity to ask what you’redoing, but continue the use of the word “scraps” without fail.

In the morning,as your wife is walking out the door to go to work, begin referring to her as“Scraps,” as if it were a nickname.

Without fail,this should diminish her confidence, weaken her sensibilities, and torture herinternally.

The Bridge to Other Religions

2011-11-16T19:03:00.001-06:00

This passage is from a book I've been working on which is a kind of religious history of myself, describing the various ways religion has been a part of my life. The book is titled On Religiosity: Ruminations toward a Self-Definition. Names have been changed out of respect to people affected.

I remember the first timefeeling mortified at the weirdly religious. Now, “weirdly religious” is amighty strong term—let’s clarify it. When I was younger, it was apparent therewere three really strange groups of so-called “Christians”—the Church of JesusChrist of Latter-day Saints (who, it seemed, made up their own “books” of theBible and all wore suits and rode bikes), the Jehovah’s Witnesses (who wouldn’tsalute the American flag and studied magazines in window-less buildings), andthe Church of Christ. The way I’ve always understood the Church of Christis that they take the New Testament very seriously.Since Christ makes no mention of musical worship, they do not employ musiciansin their Church. They sing A Cappella. (My Pentecostal friends and I werealways confused by this because when the gates of Heaven are opened by John theRevelator, he does see musical instruments in Heaven…Oh, well, whatever…)

When I grew up, I had a friend whose family was Church of Christ. This friend was my bosom buddyin high school and even though his mother pitted us at each others’ throatsbecause I would often get better roles in acting class, we were extremely closefor a time. This meant, among other things, that I would regularly go onvacations with his family. One time, we went on a white-water rafting trip andthe Blackwells figured our trek back home on Sunday would leave enough time fora stop into the local Church of Christ nearest to the Tennessee rivers where Ialmost died rowing my boat. No, they didn’t want to miss a single Sundaybecause that would mean missing out on Communion—the sacrament proposed byChrist at the Last Supper that has so many different versions within Christianchurches, it’s hard to believe we all believe in one Jesus.

Well, the local Churchof Christ was an all African-American Churchin which the only kind eyes we received were from the graying old minister. Ihad taken Communion my entire life and when the plates were passed around, Ireached for the cracker—but not before Mrs. Blackwell turned to me and remindedme that what I was doing was very serious and I shouldn’t do it if I were not aChristian. I’m sure she meant a Church of Christ Christian, butI replied I was and broke the bread.

I didn’t feel terrorized by this—I figured she just didn’tknow my background. But, the time she really got my goat was at one of herimmaculate meals. She asked me to say the Blessing. I don’t know why I didn’thesitate, but I went on to ask God to bless the one who prepared the food andthat food to the nourishment of our bodies. I said “Amen” and began to dig in.A look of confusion crossed Mrs. Blackwell’s face and she asked me, “Do youknow why we say ‘In the name of Jesus Christ’ before we finish Grace?’” It hadn’toccurred to me anyone said that and I replied, with much trembling, I did not.She explained to me that when we pray, we pray to God through Christ andit was tradition to add this phrase in order to pray appropriately.

I suppose, up until that point, God, Jesus, the HolySpirit—these were all interchangeable to me. I don’t know if I ever reallyunderstood the concept of the Trinity, but I knew that all those elements werethe same entity and I sometimes would call my creator God, Jesus, Jehovah, orwhatever else during a prayer. Brother Ron Hadley, who was my junior highSunday school teacher at Adamsville, was so nervous while praying he would endup converging God-names to the point he was praying to the “Prince of the Lamb”and so forth.

But, what Mrs. Blackwell said—mainly the way she saidit—sent ice into my veins. I didn’t like anyone who approached Christ with aseriousness that took the joy out of knowing Him. When I told my Mother thisstory, I cried. I don’t think she ever liked Mrs. Blackwell again. I suppose Inever knew I would turn to the “weirdly religious” at any point in my life but,eventually, I found myself in desperation and began to think out of the box toregain my love for God at the end of college.

I left Dawn for someone who promised me the sun, moon, andstars only to pull the rug out from under me and run taking my money, my heart,and my point to living. I put everything of my life into Marissa. She seemed towant to marry me as much as Dawn did. I had known her longer and, though we hadhad some bad blood throughout the years, I thought God had ordained it so wewould end up together—regardless of how Dawn had improved everything in mylife. People can change their minds, right?

Marissa was half-Korean and was raised by an alcoholic Vietnam veteranand a fundamental Korean mother. This made her bipolar by default as her motherwould teach her duties and her father would teach her to forget them. She hadbeen raised in an American Christian Academyin South Koreaand, although her mother was a strict Catholic, Marissa was anon-denominational, charismatic Christian, who basically believed the samethings I was raised to believe. This made us both weirdoes on the campus of Bennington College. Our conservative dress,clean-cut Bible stomping, and secretive sexual passion seemed enough to riseabove the natural opposites we shared.

But, at that time, all I knew was Dawn. So, from thebeginning, I would want Marissa to be Dawn—and she wouldn’t have known how tobe that good. Our relationship brought out a mutual vindictiveness andmanipulation that was bubbling under the surface of something that we tried tomake seem perfect. I began to convert my life to her. She was, essentially, thereligion of the day. I worshipped and reviled her, secretly wanting Dawn back.But, I was too proud and Marissa, more sexually aware than Dawn, was tooattractive to pass up. As we graduated, I made plans to move to the Pacific Northwest to live with her and her now widowedspinster of a mother.

As soon as we had to part for the summer, the manipulationcame to the surface. Dawn had already found someone else and admitted months ofunhappiness in our relationship caused her not to miss much but the friendship.This was hard on the ears even though I had felt the same way. But, the differencewas I did miss her—terribly—mainly because Marissa chastised my every move,every present I sent, every suggestion I made. I was back in Vermont, working at a summer arts camp,teaching young children the craft of acting, which is a lot like teaching a catanything—it’s impossible.

I began to fall apart, Dawn began to blossom, and Marissabegan to make plans to break it off with me. When I went back to Alabama to prepare forthe move, I was jaded and pessimistic but, it would only take a few days forthat feeling to change to suicidal and dangerous. In between the bliss of Dawnand what would happen after Marissa was making me re-examine all of the elementsof my life. I remember driving to the camp where I taught that summer, wishingI would be hit by a car just so that I could be badly injured and Marissa couldfeel some pity, some pain for the way she was treating me. Even better, Dawnmight realize our mistakes and come back to me.

Onething a Christian takes very seriously is his/her life and his/her livelihood.Even though we feel we’re preparing for the end of the world (almost constantly),we do respect life as God’s first gift to us. I was brought up to believeanyone who commits suicide would go to Hell—automatically, without question. Aslife is our first gift, this seemed natural and right. But, now, I was prayingfor death. And this was not the cries of an adolescent, but a sincere wish.

My parents had supplied an eighteen hundred dollar depositon a car transport to Oregonfor my vehicle. They had bought a non-refundable plane ticket for my trip. Theywere helping me cram twenty-one years of life into two suitcases and our attic.Then, one night, surrounded by boxes upon boxes of my books, packing up whatwas my life, I received the call. I was asked not to come. I was actuallydemanded not to come. I remember saying to Marissa something like, “You’re afucking whore and I hope you die and go to Hell.” Then, something came over meI had never felt before. I reared back my head—the pain, the deceit, and thelies came rushing up like vomit—and I screamed. I had never screamed. The worldhad never given me a reason to rail against it.

My parents, not surprised at the result of my follies,found me in the living room. Before midnight of that evening, they hadretrieved my car (which, for all we knew, was half-way across the country butturned out to still be parked in a lot in Birmingham)and had refunded my plane ticket money. I don’t know how they did it. One neveraccomplishes these financial feats without a funeral being imminent. And, in away, one was.

My first feeling was I needed to drive—get away as fast as possible. My parents (through an almostviolent intervention) convinced me to not do this. They were happy I would behome and could start my life over and were intent on not seeing me run my carinto a ditch. The second feeling was, “What have I done to Dawn?” Dawn hadgraduated two years before I did and stayed in Vermont to be with me as I finished college.I had lied when I told her I had not cheated on her. I had deceived and lied.And now, I was paying for it. Well, who was responsible for the punishment Iwas now facing? God, of course.

I’llnever forget that night, because that was the first evening my world reallychanged. In my worldview, God had always been above me, Satan underneath, and Iwas in the middle, skipping along happily. But, now, Satan was winning, I wasstill there (except stagnant), and I cried a little as I looked up to theHeavens and told the entity I had always felt was my Lord and Master, “Thanks alot, you son of a bitch.”

I find it curious that I didn’t reject the concept of Godimmediately. God was still there—He was just now mean and cruel where He hadalways been loving and generous. Now, that generosity seemed to be only foramounts of wrath He had doled out in the Old Testament.

Labor Day 2005 was only a day away. There would becelebration—a beloved Aunt and Uncle were coming in from Tennessee, my best friend (relieved I wasnot spending my life with Marissa) was coming over with his wife. I saw theopportunity inherent for celebration, but when I awoke the morning after theincident, I could barely move. The next day, I began to continue consolidatingmy life. I put everything I never used in boxes and stuffed them in the attic.I tried to arrange my room as a place I could live in rather than what it wasto be for when I was away (a show room for guests). But, the only way I gotthrough those couple of days was by trying to ignore life actually occurring.In all truth, it had frozen still. I had no job, an education that was to proveworthless over the next year and a half, and my family was helpless in tryingto find out why I was not happy.

I settled into a pattern. I would fall asleep from shearexhaustion at around one or two a. m. and I would sleep until two in theafternoon. It was the only way to escape life. Labor Day came around and saw myfirst journey into a common, but non-conformist religion known as drinking. Ihad never tasted alcohol. I supposed it would always taste like the rubbingalcohol one puts on a cotton swab to clean one’s ears. Yes, I had gottenthrough my entire education at the hedonist TheRules of Attraction-based school without taking a drop of liquor. Ifigured people who needed liquor were weak and I had a strong life. Yes, I haddown times but, I essentially knew what I wanted to do and who I was. So, Inever touched the stuff.

But, then, my Mother made everybody margaritas for LaborDay. I sipped one and waited as my body tried out its first alcoholicdepression. Now, this was a Spirit that felt tangible unlike the Holy one thathad escaped me in the altars of Churches of God You could feel it move within you. It did take you away from life. It was arelease. Sleep eventually stopped and, in its stead, I found the bottle. Isecured a temporary job working under my (younger) best friend at a loadingdock. We would work from four in the afternoon until four in the morning—atwhich time we picked up a six pack or two and went to his house to drinkthrough the morning. I reveled in my first experiences falling down, not beingable to move.

This may seem like a normal movement in the suite of a youngperson, but it turns out to prove how my entire sense of my religious self wasslipping away. I was turning into someone who enjoyed letting stimulants anddepressants take me away from the life I now hated.

I, thankfully, proved too poor an alcoholic and, though Inever threw anything up, I eventually became sick of the taste and the effects.Nothing was working and the depression, of course, was still not getting anybetter. I was done. No one was a comfort. No one seemed sympathetic. I wantedto prove to God there was only one course of action that could prevent Him frommessing with me anymore. As my twenty-second birthday was nigh, I planned atrip to a gun store that fortunately never happened. I wanted my parents to beawakened in the dead of night as I was to turn another year to discover mybrains all over the wall of my bedroom. This sort of cruel thinking was a partof my brain activity in a vastly unapologetic way. After September thetwenty-fourth came and went, I figured the only reason I did not buy the gunwas because I was too damned lazy to take the trip. Still, I began incanting mywishes to kill myself so many times to my Mother that one night she broke downcrying in the midst of them. There was a satisfaction in watching her burstinto tears, but then I finally woke up. I realized I was full of a certainamount of shit and needed to, at the very least, stop telling people about it.

Harpingon drinking and the depression of it all was not working. These were forms ofreligion because they instilled a certain amount of faith—however dubious. Theychristened an escape from the end of things. But, I figured I’d better patch itup with God before He took me without my blessing. I was home and, therefore, Iwould have to look at Sumiton in the face again. It was time to get back inChurch. But, that would not be enough.

If you remember, the SCOG Youth Group was arranged so thatpeople to the age of twenty-five were still in the “Youth” Group. I foundmyself back in Sunday school lessons, Choir practices, and Wednesday nightservices with people whom I felt like a fossil near. There was no young womanat Sumiton under twenty-one who was not married or settling into spinster-hood,so my only hopes of ever retaining love was in the arms of girls who weretechnically illegal for me to date. But, even though I used my humor as a wayto buffer my re-placement within the Group, I was still looked at as aperpetual outsider—especially now that I had no prospects.

I had picked up a consistent but dreadful job at a Hotel,helping run the Front Desk. Church was where I was when I wasn’t there and Iwas asked to direct theatre skits and lead Group functions. The personprimarily responsible for helping me re-enter this now far distant culture wasFillmore Waldrup, the Assistant Youth Pastor. He was one of only twoAfrican-Americans in the Youth Group and was responsible for being the“contemporary” liaison for the aging matriarchal Youth Minister.

Fillmore’s heart was in the right place. He encouraged myromantic leanings to certain Youth Group girls and my leanings back to God.But, our history together—which consisted of his religious zeal being cut downby my irreverence for his position (I never quite “got” young people wanting tobe ministers and I riled him for it)—made it impossible for us to reallyconnect. He still had a Youth Group to run and I had to get back to my pain.

I began to pursue psychological help. A counselor ortherapist was just what I felt I needed to help get me back on track. I hadnever trusted psychotherapy or people who had interests in it but, for whateverreason, I thought an objective, non-religious voice was what might help. Youhave to give me credit. I was searching. I did search for the bottle, the gun, the Church, and the shrink. Icould’ve been completely nihilistic, but I knew what was wrong was very wrong and would require a seachange.

In a therapist, I suppose, I was looking for someone likeBrother Dave, Pastor Wesley, and Reverend Aimee—someone who would listen andadvise. But, having spent four years under the leadership of the Sumiton YouthPastor (who thought every problem came right back around to obsessions withinternet pornography), I had grown weary of Ministers.

The first person I began seeing was Dr. Selkirk. I hadneglected to pay attention to the fact that my work’s medical insurance allowedme free counseling and psychiatry from a reputable source, so I found Selkirkthrough his incorporated group. Small of stature and with an uncannyresemblance to the actor Bob Balaban, I found him wonderful and damned smart—but,not inexpensive. I ended up paying outright for two sessions before I realizedI needed money for Christmas presents and gas. The most perceptive thing hesaid was something that was to shake me to the core with its correctness.

I had lived a “good” life. I had my problems, my hang-ups.I had my Church, my family, my friends, had been in love (even though I hadcharacteristic without character). But, none of those things would ever helpbecause I truly hated myself. When Dr. Selkirk suggested this, I burst intotears. Maybe I wanted to hear it, but I don’t think I would’ve been able tothink in those terms prior to his revelation. I hated myself. Marissa had lovedme—for a while. But, when she stopped, I could feel it. I had explained to herthe way I knew God existed was by the love I felt from other people (which was,I guess, how I knew after music had left me). Maybe that’s why I became angrywith God around the same time that Marissa escaped my existence. But, none ofit mattered. Maybe I had to find God within my own love or self and this wouldbe impossible as long as I held putrid venom for everything I did.

Dr. Selkirk and I had gotten pretty far in a short amountof time. But, I couldn’t afford him. So, I made one last ditch effort to plungeinto Sumiton full-force, but the failure that followed was an explosion. Peoplegot tired of my irreverence. The Youth Group wasn’t the same anymore. Thepeople who shared my irreverent underpinnings for Church were gone. I had nofriends. I shared nothing with anybody. One day, I began to talk to Fillmoreand he made fun of my penchant for depressing, negative downplays of hissermons. He was not at fault, but I saw it as the last straw and I sent him ane-mail where I accused him of being an “exceptional asshole” or something likethat. We’ve since spoken again, but this was my official resignation fromSumiton.

I disappeared.This was easy as my Father’s health prohibited him from attending the (mostlystanding-room only) Church services. Mother had agreed not to go to Churchwithout him and our Sunday mornings as a family were now sleepy and full ofbreakfast—not Church people.

I was now, really and truly, bymyself.

Favorites #5: Dramatic Subjects

2011-11-15T16:58:00.001-06:00

"Favorites" is going to be an offering of a favorite piece of art. These are not necessarily my answers to "What is the best...?" They merely represent some of my favorite pieces. This blog ends the series.

Favorite Rock Opera: The Who, Quadrophenia

Because we have come off of the musical"favorites," I start the dramatic category with a rock opera. Therock opera had a very brief time as a living organism. I wish it had caught onmore. While The Who's Tommy is obviously the first, I preferthe more mature effort on Pete Townshend's Quadrophenia. But, it could be either,really. In a way, I'm not sure anybody ever did the concept album better thanThe Who. As rock operas, go, the first real rock opera, if we're just beingtechnical, was Jesus Christ Superstar as it was thefirst one to be staged traditionally. More modern rock operas are really nomore than operettas (like Rent) or rock albums that have nobusiness being staged (American Idiot) or rock musicals withoperatic leanings.

Favorite Television Series: Twin Peaks

Although lasting only two seasons, TwinPeaks was the first television series to bring the visual techniqueof film to the small screen. It is the only television series I have gone backto the in the way I've gone back to novels, poems, and plays for more things todiscover. In the first episode, the character of Donna Hayward describes her 24hour ordeal of learning of her best friend's death and the new love of her bestfriend's secret lover. She describes it as the most beautiful dream and themost horrible nightmare happening all at once. This describes TwinPeaks in spades.

Favorite Television Mini-Series: The Civil War

Thiswas difficult as Fassbinder's BerlinAlexanderplatz pretty much trumps all art that falls under the televisionmini-series. However, for my personal money, Ken Burns' The Civil War is life-changing television. The highlights arealmost always the anecdotes of Shelby Foote.

Favorite Opera: Philip Glass/Robert Wilson, Einstein on the Beach

In the mid-1970’s opera had been dying foryears. The two men who revived it were director Robert Wilson (the theatre’sgreat living master) and Philip Glass, who was shortly to become the name inour culture most synonymous with opera. Einsteinon the Beach is traditionally operatic only in scope. It consists of spokentexts (by poet Christopher Knowles, choreographer Lucinda Childs, and actorSamuel M. Johnson), lyrics which are only solfege symbols and numbers, andslowly-moving portraits of themes inspired by the life of Albert Einstein. Thecreators expected the meaning of the piece to come to the audience individually—theaudience as really bringing their own experience to a work and completing it.If only most writers and composers could be so bold.

Favorite Operetta: W. S. Gilbert/ArthurSullivan, H. M. S. Pinafore, or The LassThat Loved a Sailor

The 19^th century, in theatricalterms, was as dead as the period between Rome and Shakespeare. However, thebest theatre was undoubtedly the Gilbert and Sullivan Savoy Comic Operas, suchas The Pirates of Penzance and The Mikado. Their first great success, H. M. S. Pinafore bursts with wit,charm, and glorious music. The libretto and music match each other in richnessand never was the Savoy more fun-filled.

Favorite Musical: Stephen Sondheim/James Lapine,Passion

I have said many times that Sondheim is myShakespeare. It is to his lyrics I go when I need bolstering in this world.Phenomenally inspiring and light years beyond everyone, Sondheim gave us thefirst truly dramatic stage musical in Passion,a piece inspired by the novel Fosca byI. U. Tarchetti and the film Passione d’Amoreby Ettore Scola. While largely misunderstood in its premiere production in1994, I feel it will outlast most of Sondheim’s work—it is as ingenious as Follies, but more eloquent in itshumanity. Despite the troubles of its lead, it is one of the few works that canmake you believe in love—even if that love turns the blood cold.

Favorite Play: Henrik Ibsen, The Master Builder

I leave the form I know the best for last as itis the hardest for me to pinpoint. The theatre reaches its pinnacle in the workof Henrik Ibsen. Yes, Sophocles and Shakespeare were important in many ways,but Ibsen is the true master at bringing poetry and dramatic structuretogether. I choose The Master Builder becauseit is the play that is a perfect merging of his early poetic work (like Brand) and his later, naturalistic work(like Hedda Gabler). Hedda may be more fun to watch, but The Master Builder will be the one toturn to when the harsher plays go out of style.

Preface to LOVE SUICIDE

2011-11-14T18:49:00.001-06:00

This preface was originally created for a published version of my play Love Suicide which never materialized.

I first read Chikamatsu Monzaemon’s The Love Suicides at Sonezaki as astudent. I was in New York City, serving as an intern to David Henry Hwang, oneof my favorite American playwrights and our preeminent Asian-Americandramatist. Perhaps inspired by the ruminations on Asian theatre (an earlyinspiration in my own journey that continues to inspire), I decided to readsome classical Asian drama—assuming that I could garner something substantial fromtranslations of unfamiliar ideas. A Japanese play whose title pitted the words “love”and “suicide” in a dichotomous tandem was fascinating to me. I had never muchassociated love with violence. This is because I hadn’t yet fallen in love, ofcourse. Still, the beauty of Donald M. Keene’s translation impressed me greatlyand I found myself in considerable empathy for the characters.

The other thing that wasinstantaneously attractive about Chikamatsu to a Western reader was the factthat he was writing domestic tragedies hundreds of years before Arthur Millerwould do so in the West. His plays about double suicides make up a significantnumber of his achievements. He wrote for the Kabuki and Bunraku (doll) theatresand his name has become synonymous with the latter form.

Anyone who has seen a Bunraku performanceunderstands that the emotions that surge from these doll puppets are nearlymore powerful than those emerging from an un-masked actor. I have no idea why,but the form is powerful and, unfortunately, not as subsidized in Japan as theNoh or Kabuki. Chikamatsu also wrote important historical plays, such as The Battles at Coxinga, but it isthrough The Love Suicides at Sonezaki (hismost famous play) and The Love Suicidesat Amijima (his undisputed masterwork) that he has become legendary.

The double suicide, or shinju, was often committed by lovers inhistorical Japan because it offered the only outlet for remaining together. Ifthey could not be together in this life, due to monetary or societalconstraints, the double suicide would allow them to be honored by livingtogether in death. It is perhaps difficult for a Westerner to fully understandthis as the Christian influence holds suicide as an instant Hell-sentence. But,regardless of individual religious beliefs, one cannot argue with the fact thatmany people have shed blood in the name of love. In this view, the shinju almost seem transcendent and, in AmidaBuddhism, they were considered as such.

At first, I did not know how toapproach an adaptation of Chikamatsu’s play. I’ve never thought of adaptationas merely a process in which one piece of art is transformed into another. Anadaptation must honor the previous work while re-thinking it. In this regard, Ineeded desperately to respond to theplay as an artist. But, how on Earth would I?

The play remained very much on my mindfor years. I originally intended on the project being called The Love Suicides and saw it as a cycleof plays adapted from more of Chikamatsu’s shinjuplays, such as The Love Suicides in theWomen’s Temple and Love Suicides onthe Eve of the Koshin Festival. But, I quickly came to my senses andrealized such an evening might throw a Western audience into epileptic fits andI recanted.

Concentrating on the play ofChikamatsu’s that I most admired, I created several scenarios over a two yearperiod, always searching for the “angle” (a word I hate to use) of myadaptation. The idea of actually producing it did not occur to me, but it wasactually its impending World Premiere that solidified my ideas concerning thetext.

Penn Genthner, an important friend andcollaborator, and I were searching for a project. Penn had directed aconsiderable number of my scripts and we were looking for a play that wouldserve as a major project. When it dawned on me that I had not yet had him readChikamatsu, the problem of which play went away. The solution of how to do itwas another matter.

Eventually, what emerged was an experimental(or, really, non-naturalistic) adaptation which would combine severaltheatrical storytelling elements. I had to acknowledge the fact that, as aWesterner, I would have an automatic deficit as an adapter of Chikamatsu.Still, many Western works of theatre art (most specifically Pacific Overtures) do acknowledge thatthey cannot fully re-create the experience of Japanese theatre while attemptingit anyway. One could argue it is a shame to try because, in Japan, actors studyfor lifetimes before they are able to manipulate the head and right arm of Bunrakupuppets or move into certain roles in Kabuki, so how does an American say, “Let’sdo a Kabuki play.” And yet, PacificOvertures, by being a combination of a Broadway musical comedy and a Kabukiplay, dramatized the horror of the Westernization of the East in a way that wasmore vivid and fervent than any in history. Pondering this acknowledgment, Idecided my play would not be “Bunraku,” “Noh,” or “Kabuki.” It had to be all ofthem.

Taking elements from all threeclassical forms of Japanese theatre and expecting them to work well onstagetogether is risky, but I sewed the holes in the tone together by using the “avant-garde”theatre techniques that were begun in the West by Piscator, rose to the levelof greatness with Beckett, and continue through Robert Wilson and others. Thisaesthetic hodge-podge eventually became the funnel through which Penn and Icreated our own rules as writer and director.

We decided that an onstage narrator andJapanese stagehands (clothed in black, the Japanese color of non-existence) wouldmove the play—along with cloths for set pieces and dowels for props. The playwas eventually given two narrators—one male, one female. As I knew the loversTokubei and Ohatsu would be in mask and would speak with a terse poetryreminiscent of the Noh, the audience needed “translators” who spoke more likethem and could echo the emotions and passions within the lovers. The effectonstage worked surprisingly well, though many audience members felt that if itwere the narrators who committed suicide, they might have been more moved. Thefact that the experiment worked at all was even more fascinating in light ofthe fact that I decided to have the narrators speak the internal thoughts ofcharacters of the opposite gender. It simply didn’t work the other way.

The villain of the piece, Kuheiji, wasconcocted as a generic Kabuki character. We decided to portray Kuheiji morelike a Kabuki hero rather than a Kabuki villain because the face-paint color ofred is more fiery and effective and closer to our idea of evil. This was theonly case in which we could exploit the fact that Western audiences wouldn’tnecessarily know the difference, or care.

By the end of the pre-productionperiod, I felt compelled to include elements of song, underscoring, puppetry,and dance along with the elements already in place. Going into production withsuch a script was a real gamble because there was no proof that the experimentwould work. It is a testament to the greatness of the original story (which isbased on an actual event) and not to the adaptation that it did. For ouraudience, Love Suicide was an Easterndramatic echo of Romeo and Juliet andthe recognition was one of the draws.

Some of the elements of the rehearsaldraft were never fully realized in our production. No theatre experience isever perfect. But, some changes in rehearsalimproved the script exponentially. Penn decided to use real, violent propsonstage instead of the dowel-sticks and frou-frou I had originally imagined.The effect was startling. The audience was watching a play which was essentiallyan invention, but when Kuheiji’s henchmen threw a life-like severed head(concealed, of course, in a cloth sack) to the lovers, the realism of the prop,blood seeping through, was frightening and made us all feel the stakes werelegitimate. Also, Penn had Tokubei use an authentic Japanese knife for thesuicide and the shine of the real steel gave the moment an extra push of horrorand beauty.

We were also delighted to premiere thework on the anniversary of the event which inspired Chikamatsu to write one ofhis greatest plays. Love Suicideremains one of the greatest theatre experiences of my life and I am proud tosolidify it in a final version which I hope still honors Chikamatsu’s originaland might find life in future productions.

2011-11-12T19:02:00.001-06:00

Writing for Others

When I recently gave a copy of mylatest full-length play to the person to whom it was dedicated, I wasterrified. I could not have given it to someone whose opinion mattered more tome. This play began as an exercise that I wrote very much for myself, butbecame an extended, tragic love letter to someone else. Now, it was in herhands.

Like most people I have loved(romantically), this person did not reciprocate my feelings and I knew fullwell that this play would not change that, despite not really wishing itcould/would. This angry, frustrated, weird, and terrifying play would expressmy full feeling as well as all of the incensed passion I had developed and myhorror at having fallen in love again, despite my better knowledge andjudgment.

A playwright writes less forhim/herself than he does for others. After all, a play is given to thecollective mind and imagination in a fiery explosion of sight, sound, space,and time. I can imagine a novel, a story, and a poem as all written for one’sself or perhaps one other. In the end, it doesn’t matter if anyone else readsthem. A poem can lay dead and dormant for centuries, never read or spokenaloud. If this happens to a play, it is death. A play, in fact, does not becomea play until it is seen in a theater. Before then, it is a blueprint for abuilding that is not erected.

And yet, it can be a very fittingand bolstering experience to write a play for one’s self—to write it without acare as to whether anyone else will appreciate or understand it. For example, Ibelieve one of my strongest plays, TheSummer Bobby(ie) Lee Turner Loved Me, had to be written by me, for me. Itis the first of my plays that I did not dedicate to someone else. At one pointin the rewriting process, I tried to dedicate it to someone who I had developedfeelings for as an effort to win her over. After all, men don’t write anythingexcept to impress women. But, this felt wrong and the dedication sat on thepage like something that made no sense.

The play was written to chronicle amoment in time, a time I would very gladly never live again, but was necessaryin my development. I had come off a long run of plays from 2002-2005 that wereall written for one person, who was an inspiration and a (rare) person wholoved me. I dedicated those five or so plays not out of slavish tradition, butout of respect and admiration. In her singular way, she was flattered andnonplussed, felt very undeserving, but edified.

But, this new play was written in aneffort to understand the events which led to our demise and to my aborteddemise. I wrote it for myself and, others be damned, I didn’t care if it wasever seen or heard or read.

The next major play, To Wander in the Dust, or Fire Nights,was also not dedicated. It was also my first play to seem like mine and minealone—someone else may have said the things I said, but I felt that no one elsewould’ve said it in the same way. This may be conceit, but it is always a majormoment in a writer’s life when they begin writing their own work, instead ofcopying another’s.

Then, the writing stoppedaltogether. From 2008-2010, a dry spell unlike any other overtook me. I took apost, giving me my first real opportunity to put food on the table, but I couldn’tdo the one thing I was put on the earth to do. 2009 saw one 10 minute play, Minding the Storm, composed. 2010 saw atranslation of Henrik Ibsen’s A Doll’sHouse and the first readable drafts of Cryof the Native Children, an adaptation of a Pocahontas play.

Suddenly, I was writing otherpeople’s plays again. But, this time, literally. Then, from February to Aprilof 2011, I met a muse—only the second one in my life—but, the first one whogave me an abundance of written material. All of a sudden, three rather goodshort pieces emerged. This person, to date, has inspired in me over 150 pagesof material that would not have existed without her direct influence in mylife. She is the Beatrice, the Dark Lady, a muse of fire indeed.

She was now holding my heart in her hands and she flipped to thededication page, which reads “with a heart full of love and contrition.”Despite her knowledge of my sad love, she did not give the proper response ofpained awe, but a sound of sweet confirmation that told me she did notunderstand fully why the dedication needed contrition. The play is as much apledge of love as it is an admission of my hatred of both me and my feelings.This led the play to be brutally frank and honest, not just a Hallmark card.

I felt stronger in writing a play formyself. But, without this muse, I would not have written a word this year,despite the pain of those words. At the date of this writing, we have notdiscussed the play. Perhaps this is best as I feel like I said everything Ineeded to say in the piece itself. Yes, I wonder what she thinks. But, it hasbeen easier recently to cut off communication altogether.

This person doesn’t know when shewalks into a room my heart skips what feels like nine hundred beats. Shedoesn’t know when she leaves, I feel like a piece of me dies. She doesn’t knowat the same time the clinical depression kicks in with “You’ll never haveanything like that.” Actually, what scares me more is that she does know. Afterall, it is flattering to be loved. I have often wondered if she likes thisattention. She is angry with me when I do not speak to her—she seems completelyoblivious to my pain. But, this is, of course, because she does not love me.And, most likely, she doesn’t think about me when I’m not around.

I can only hope the play stays withher—even if I would have been happier if it had been written only for me, onlyfor my sanity.

At this moment, it has been given toan audience only once—as a reading. It seems to affect people. For that, I haveto be grateful. It tells me the collective mind may accept it despite the factthat it was written for one person.

But, in a way, it has been witnessedby the only audience I ever needed or wanted. Did it change anything? No. Ifart required a purpose, it would never exist.

Your Favorite Movies in One Lines

2011-11-04T20:54:00.000-05:00

I recently watched Rocky for the first time and was absolutely stunned—stunned that a movie with very few complete sentences could actually have won the Best Picture Oscar. My only thought was this is a movie about a dumbass losing. I thought, “What a great synopsis for the cable companies to put on their program descriptions.” I thought, “I must be pretty good at coming up with short descriptions of movies and so I took some of the Best Picture-Oscar winners I’ve seen and compiled short, one-sentence descriptions. I hope Charter takes notice of my skills.

Gone with the Wind
A fiddle-dee fart gets fiddle-dee fucked.

Casablanca
An expat gets lonely again.

Hamlet
Laurence Olivier thinks and expects us to pay to see it.

All about Eve
Actors shoot one-liners at each other in a fight to the death.

West Side Story
Boys in tights can fight and kill!

My Fair Lady
A linguist gets cunning and maybe gets some.

The Sound of Music
Maria escapes Catholics and Nazis, singing all the way through.

The Godfather
A father leaves his son the family business.

The Godfather Part II
The son fucks it up.

Rocky
A dumbass loses.

Annie Hall
Woody Allen loses yet another woman.

Amadeus
A mean untalented composer won’t accept what God didn’t give him.

Out of Africa
Robert Redford and Meryl Streep are creepers.

Platoon
Oliver Stone kills himself in a cameo.

Rain Man
Undeserving film wins Oscar.

Dances with Wolves
Kevin Costner films three hours of bison.

The Silence of the Lambs
Jodie Foster gets revenge on Hinckley.

Forrest Gump
A dumbass wins.

Braveheart
A racist wins.

Titanic
A poor boy draws a rich girl’s tits and he drowns.

Shakespeare in Love
Shakespeare writes a play and falls in love with a girl playing a boy playing a girl.

American Beauty
A loser wins, but he kind of loses, but he kind of wins.

Million Dollar Baby
Clint Eastwood mindfucks the shit out of Rocky and gets an award for it.

Crash
Terrible film gets more terrible.

The Hurt Locker
Kathryn Bigelow gets to fuck James Cameron this time.

The King’s Speech
Britain takes back over the Yanks.

Excerpt from WARS AND RUMORS OF WARS

2011-06-10T20:53:00.004-05:00

This is an excerpt from my new full-length play Wars and Rumors of Wars-- a spoken-word oratorio in four parts.

RENEE: Hi.

KURT: (after a beat) Hey.

RENEE: Is this a bad time?

KURT: No. Just...Wait; do I know you?

RENEE: No. I’m Renee Martinson. I was checking to see if there are any spots left on the team?

KURT: Oh. Okay. I’m Mr. Stevens.

RENEE: Hi.

KURT: I suppose another wouldn’t hurt.

RENEE: Good. I was too late for anything else.

KURT: (sarcastically) Oh. So, this is really important for you, then?

RENEE: (smiling) I didn’t mean it that way. I just...I spent the first month of school dealing with a family thing and I’m just getting started.

KURT: Did you work with Mr. Anders?

RENEE: No. I had some friends who did-- they liked it.

KURT: Good. Good.

RENEE: You’re new.

KURT: Yeah.

RENEE: Where’d you come from?

KURT: Pierpoint.

RENEE: High, or...?

KURT: No, no, I...Sorry. This is my first year teaching.

RENEE: Okay.

KURT: Yeah, I thought you meant...I’m still not used to it.

RENEE: Right...

(Beat.)

KURT: Well, Renee, I guess the first question is...do you like to argue?

RENEE: Well...there’s more to it than that, right?

KURT: Sure. But, let’s reduce it to the main point. If I said one opinion, could you counter it and back up your claims?

RENEE: I suppose if I had time to think about my response...

KURT: Being prepared’s important. But, we’ve always got to be ready for the unexpected.

(Pause.)

RENEE: Alright. Try me.

KURT: “Abortion should be safe, legal, and rare.”

RENEE: Wow. Is that really something we’d talk about...

KURT: No. Respond anyway.

(Silence.)

RENEE: Abortion should be illegal.

KURT: Why?

(Silence.)

RENEE: Unless, someone’s raped...

KURT: How could you make sure that was the case? And, what’s the difference? If it’s life, it’s life, right?

RENEE: I...I don’t know.

KURT: Does this make you uncomfortable?

RENEE: Yes.

KURT: Okay. Another: “Abortion should be illegal.”

RENEE: That’s what I said.

KURT: Let’s say it’s what I said.

RENEE: Well...I agree.

KURT: You can’t agree. You have to back up an opposite claim.

RENEE: (thinking; nodding) For example...if someone were raped...it should be legal to have an abortion for an unwanted child.

KURT: Good.

RENEE: Do you believe what you said?

KURT: It’s not important.

RENEE: Yes, it is.

KURT: No, it’s not. It’s important that I clearly state my case. For example, abortion should be safe, legal, and rare because there are instances where it might be deemed necessary. A woman’s body shouldn’t be controlled by the government and neither should a man’s. To make it illegal would cause thousands to be performed that are unsafe...

RENEE: Right...

KURT: Were you beginning to agree?

RENEE: (thrown off) No, I...

KURT: But, I was persuasive.

RENEE: I suppose...

KURT: That’s the point. (beat) Still interested?

(Silence.)

RENEE: Something tells me you’re not going to be like other teachers.

KURT: (smiling) I would hope not.

(She smiles at him.)

Favorites #4: Musical Subjects

2011-04-20T19:41:00.003-05:00

"Favorites" is going to be an offering of a favorite piece of art. These are not necessarily my answers to "What is the best...?" They merely represent some of my favorite pieces.

Favorite Composition: Edgard Varese's "Ionisation"

The next series of favorites are all favorite pieces of music. Beginning with classical, I've chosen the French-American composer Edgard Varese's masterpiece "Ionisation," scored for 13 percussionists. Some composers, such as Frank Zappa, saw what music was capable of with this 1933 piece, which lasts roughly six minutes, five and a half minutes of which have no tuned instruments. Varese introduced electronic instruments to contemporary classical music in addition to opening the percussion section to include Latin instruments, lion's roars, anvils, and many other instruments. Over 30 instruments are played by the 13 members, including a few moments with piano (technically a percussion insrument, of course). "Ionisation," while briefer more narrow in scope than other Varese pieces such as "Ameriques" and "Octandre," is easily the most accessible, if you can believe it. Originally described as sounding like "a sock in the jaw," it has now become an accepted part of the canon. With repeated listening, it's intensity and majesty grow. My personal favorite recording is conducted by Pierre Boulez.

Favorite Hymn: Folliot S. Pierpoint and Conrad Kocher's "For the Beauty of the Earth"

When I was nine or ten, I stole a Baptist hymnal from the little church I was baptized in. I didn't think of it as stealing; I figured it would be important one day. Hymns have shown up in my work as they showed up in my life quite a bit. My favorite is one I probably couldn't even hum well to you-- in the sense that something can be beautiful simply by its lyrics alone, I read it often without singing it. "For the Beauty of the Earth," written by Folliot S. Pierpoint, is an homage to the natural beauties of the earth-- simple, worshipful. The music is "Dix" by Conrad Kocher. My favorite version of it is by John Ritter. This SATB version was once almost included in a children's musical I was in, but was cut unfortunately.

Favorite Popular Song: Joni Mitchell's "Both Sides Now"

If pop songs have poetry, they are surely in the work of Bob Dylan and Joni Mitchell. Mitchell's "Both Sides Now" began as a precocious song of feigned eagle-eyed vision. Thirty years later, in a masterful recording (after many wonderful ones by others), she proved it is a song of real maturity and power. Classically structured, meticulous, and irresistibly moving, the song is one you can wrap yourself in. It may be used for reflection or you can simply listen in awe.

Favorite Jazz Piece: Thelonious Monk's "'Round Midnight"

Liking vocal jazz like Harry Connick, Jr. probably makes me less cool in the eyes of true jazz fans, so I'll choose something that has found success both as an instrumental and as a vocal piece. Thelonious Monk is the true genius of jazz music. "'Round Midnight" is more than a signature song. This one gets in your soul. Later lyrics were added by Bernie Hanigen that are perhaps less pristine than the music itself. Still, sing this one and you can feel it transform to the darkness of midnight no matter what time of day it is.

Favorite Bluegrass Song: Bill Monroe's "Uncle Pen"

I didn't know bluegrass any more than any of you did, until we all bought the soundtrack to O Brother, Where Art Thou? From my particular place in the South, Honky-Tonk Country/Western always meant more to me. But, of the bluegrass I knew, the piece I always liked the most was Bill Monroe's "Uncle Pen," made famous by Ricky Scaggs. But, I never minded much hearing my brother James' version either.

Favorite Folk Song: Paul Simon's "Scarborough Fair/Canticle"

Okay, folk rock, whatever. The combination of the medeival folk song "Scarborough Fair" with Paul Simon's "Canticle" is a haunting classic, most vividly used in The Graduate, but has held up all these years.

Favorite Punk Song: Joey Ramone's "I Wanna Be Sedated"

Need more be said?

Favorite Funk Song: Harry Connick, Jr. and Ramsey McLean's "Trouble"

At the height of his early popularity as the new voice of vocal, popular jazz, Harry Connick, Jr. (one to never go with anyone else's suggestions about his career), produced two New Orleans funk albums-- She and Star Turtle. Both are excellent, though She will always be my favorite, producing at least one hit ("I Just Whispered Your Name") and featuring whimsical lyrics by Ramsey McLean and crisp instrumentation with some amazing musicians. The best track on the album is "Trouble," a riff with piano, voice, and conga drums only that brings a smile to your face.

Favorite Gospel Song: Squire Parson's "Sweet Beulah Land"

I grew up with Southern Gospel music. Black gospel has never meant much to me, though it's certainly more popular. "Sweet Beulah Land" is a Southern Gospel song that has been recorded countless times, including by my Uncle's former Gospel group the Joylanders. Sweet and compassionate, fine and melodic.

Favorite Blues Song: Riley King's "Don't Answer the Door"

Riley King's "Don't Answer the Door" won't be on any top ten list of songs for feminists. A claustrophobic, yet funny song-- sung and played perfectly by B. B. King-- is a mean little tune, but one listen might have you hooked.

Favorite Soul Song: Homer Bank, Carl Hampton, and Raymond Jackson's "(If Loving You is Wrong) I Don't Want to Be Right"

Ladies and gentlemen, the song by Homer Banks, Carl Hampton, Raymond Jackson, that captured me ever since I heard it used humorously in A Very Brady Sequel.

Favorite Rhythm and Blues Song: Stevie Wonder's "You Are the Sunshine of My Life"

You must all know how much I hate to smile and how rare it is. This song will do it every time.

Favorite Latin Piece: Tito Puente's "Ran Kan Kan"

Ever since my childhood church added a Latin Percussion rhythm section, I was hooked on the versatile instruments of the congas, bongos, and timbales. Doing research into the Latin Band and its parts, Tito Puente is an instrumental to Latin as Elvis Presley was to rock. His immortal "Ran Kan Kan" is a classic.

Favorite Hip-Hop Song: D-ROC, Kaine, and Michael Crooms' "Wait (The Whisper Song)"

Alright, if we're going to do this, we're going to do the dirtiest one we can think of. By the Ying Yang Twins.

Favorite Country/Western Song: David Allan Coe's "Would You Lay With Me (In a Field of Stone)"

Let's on to my personal favorite genre. People who don't like Country/Western music have generally never really heard it. If you only know Kenny Chesney, Carrie Underwood, and Toby Keith, I feel sorry for you. You can't say you don't like country until you've heard "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry" or "He Stopped Loving Her Today." What they play now has totally disconnected itself from what was, in the words of Hank Williams, Jr., the Southern man's blues. David Allan Coe's "Would You Lay With Me (In a Field of Stone)" is a near perfect piece of songwriting. Recorded by many, his version is still the best.

Favorite Rock 'n' Roll Song: Jerry Lee Lewis' "Breathless"

Yes, let's go all the way back to when rock 'n' roll was just rock 'n' roll. Let's skip backwards through alternative, grunge, metal, and Southern rock. Let's go back to the Memphis boys who changed the world, the leader of which to me will always be Jerry Lee Lewis. "Breathless" is a fun tune and most newer rock has ceased to be fun in the way that it was at its inception.

Favorites #3: Visual Subjects

2011-04-01T19:47:00.002-05:00

"Favorites" is going to be an offering of a favorite piece of art. These are not necessarily my answers to "What is the best...?" They merely represent some of my favorite pieces.

Favorite Painting: "The Lovers," 1928, Rene Magritte
This, cut from an Introduction I was planning to my first book of plays: "As a student at a performing arts center in Birmingham, I was unaware or appreciative of my own background as an adolescent. Like a lot of starry-eyed theatre people, I was a wannabe New Yorker or Los Angelean. I did not appreciate my Southern identity until I studied in New England. All of a sudden, I was an outsider and my true voice (not necessarily accent) was starkly apparent...Still, I had been writing many years before I decided to write a play set in the South. I didn’t feel that the stock of people I came from would automatically sing onstage. I was wrong in virtually every way. On the same fortunate trip to New York described earlier, thousands of miles away from home, and detached and lonely for the first time in my life, I started writing a sketch about two Southerners in an art museum in New York. I had seen Magritte’s painting 'The Lovers' and thought to myself, 'Now, what would a guy from Alabama have to say about something like that?' It had still not occurred to me that I was just a guy from Alabama."

Favorite Sculpture: The Bust of Pericles
I stumbled upon the bust of Pericles quite accidentally. I never really believed my 11th grade American Literature teacher when she said one should never pay attention to the cover of a book. I thought, "Surely those people must think about they image they choose." No, it turns out. I picked up a copy of William Shakespeare's Pericles, Prince of Tyre and the cover had the bust of Pericles, the statesman-- who could not be further from Shakespeare's version of Apollonius of Tyre. Regardless, I've had a fascination with the statue ever since. What we have, I believe, is a Roman copy of a Greek original. I suppose I could be more original in my choice as I've seen some stunning sculpture in my life. I almost chosen Robert Wilson's installation 14 Stations, but many of my choices are fairly contemporary, so this slice of the ancient world will stand as a favorite in the world of recreation from stone and other materials. Pericles is equally fascinating as a person, but the artistry of the bust is reason enough to marvel at it.

Favorite Ballet: Giselle, or The Wilis
It should be said, right here at the top, that this category is the one in which I am least qualified to judge. My ignorance of the work of dancers led a friend of mine in high school to put her senior quote in the yearbook as John Ford's "Actors are crap." But, if I have a favorite (at the risk of being old-fashioned) it must be the Jean Coralli/Jules Perrot ballet Giselle, or The Wilis. I have a fondness for my memory of seeing it live. I may never fully understand the intricacies of the student of ballet (those viewers who pay top dollar to watch feet), but I can appreciate the artistry behind telling story with the subtlest of movements and using a body language to express a multitude of emotional experiences, like Kabuki and Noh.

Favorite Photograph: "Homage to Balthus, South of France, 1980"
Say what you want about the controversial photographers Jock Sturges, David Hamilton, and/or Sally Mann, the quality of the art is hard to quibble with. Hamilton's "Homage to Bathus, South of France, 1980" combines his soft-focus with the world-class aesthetic of Balthus to create a memorable and moving portrait.

Favorites #2: Literary Subjects

2011-03-28T13:49:00.010-05:00

"Favorites" is going to be an offering of a favorite piece of art. These are not necessarily my answers to "What is the best...?" They merely represent some of my favorite pieces.

Favorite Novel: Ulysses
In belated honor of St. Patrick’s Day, we explore the highlight of Ireland’s greatest writer and of literature in general. Ulysses is daunting for any reader and, when I discovered it compromised the entire second part of a semester in a college literary criticism course, my eyes nearly popped out of my head. But, ever since I spent those weeks, I’ve never been the same reader or person ever again. At the risk of sounding too erudite, Ulysses strikes me as a call from Joyce for a real change in literary perspective. Sadly, it seems Joyce was the only one to answer his call—with Finnegan’s Wake 17 years later. While we students were fortified with Harry Blamire’s The New Bloomsday Book, it was actually a simultaneous listening of the unabridged recording of Ulysses by Jim Norton and Marcella Riordan that made my first reading of Ulysses more than an exercise in futility.

Favorite Short Story: "Distance"

An equally talented poet and fiction writer, Raymond Carver gave the American short story a shock of electricity it desperately needed in collections as remarkable as Cathedral and What We Talk About When We Talk About Love. One of his most eclectic and serious collections was the ethereal Fires, which included short stories, poems, and works of non-fiction. Among the cream of its stories is "Distance," the story of a young marriage and the decision of the husband to leave for a hunting trip while the baby is sick. Both as sparsely described as a Hemingway work but emotionally heartbreaking as the work of the great novelists, "Distance" is worth reading continuously. Multiple readings not only deepen one's understanding, but sharpen the poesy, setting, icy misunderstanding built into the rich characters, and freshen the redemption of the ending, as pure and lovely as his stories "Fat" and "A Small Good Thing."

Favorite Novella: Heart of Darkness

It was in my tenth grade at the Alabama School of Fine Arts when I became a devoted lover of literature and when I discovered my favorite authors. The course, at the time, was "World Literature" and it has been sadly replaced with a pathetic pre-20th century American Lit course (basically Irving and the Federalist Papers). But, it was with Mr. Brad Hill, that I first discovered Carver, whom I've read ever since. He also very smartly put Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness right alongside Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart. Years later, I went to Mr. Hill's class and performed readings from both works in addition to Vachel Lindsay's poem "The Congo" as a project for college and a favor to him. I was not a great reader in the 10th grade, but I knew immaculately composed prose when I saw it. Conrad, whose fourth language was English, weaves a cubist narrative of such grace and power that its length (its shortness) is almost a hinderance. Of course, there are elements which are not politically correct, but I cannot and will not blame the author for the time they lived in-- regardless of the plutocratic revisionist dingbells who wish we would do otherwise.

Favorite Poem: "Porphyria's Lover"

This is, by far, the most difficult. Anyone of the poems I truly love could go here. Catch me in a different moment and I would say e. e. cummings' "[since feeling is first]" or Raymond Carver's "This Word Love." But, my favorite poet most certainly is Tennyson's contemporary Robert Browning, whose dramatic monologues (much more successful than his plays) are shimmering with detail and manage to wear the mantle of poetry despite their vocal specificity. "Porphyria's Lover," a nasty little piece about a man who discovers how to keep his love devoted to him forever, is as chilling as Browning's "My Last Duchess," but in meter and rhyme as perfect as Victorian verse gets. It is both indicative of our long, human affair with suspense and horror as well as our devotion to romance and compassion. Then again, as I write this, maybe the poem should be Edgar Allan Poe's three line "[Deep in earth]..." I don't know. Decisions, decisions.

Favorite Autobiography: Music by Philip Glass

I think many of us long for the day when there will be an autobiography or memoir worth reading. I would be interested in an autobiography as precise and cohesive as a biography, but you would have to die and then come back to finish it, of course. African-American literature gives us the only true world-class autobiographies we have and, yet, a memoir that traces an artist's life as it relates to the work is seminal and more interesting than a work about the life. Philip Glass' beautifully titled Music by Philip Glass (released in the UK as Opera on the Beach) traces the composer's early studies with Nadio Boulanger and Ravi Shankar and goes into detail about the formation of the productions and scores of the "Portrait Opera" trilogy-- Einstein on the Beach, Satyagraha, and Akhnaten. Filled with anecdotes and adages worth internalizing (such as 'Let us not forget, after all, that theater...is a species of poetry. It is our confidence in the validity of artistic truths that gives courage to our efforts'), the book is as clear and clear-headed as the music itself. Including priceless photographs and the libretti to the three operas, it is an item worth collecting, but as literature, it is a pleasure to read many times. Each time you read it, the author's thoughts charge you to use such clarity in your work as well. I wouldn't mind seeing it updated to include the later operas.

Favorite Biography: The Kindness of Strangers

Anyone who knows me knows I have a love-hate relationship with Mr. Williams. While I agree with most people that A Streetcar Named Desire and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof are among the greatest scripts written on this continent, I have a hard time ranking Willliams with O'Neill and Albee (our greatest American playwrights) because of a long string of off-work in his later years, with the notable exceptions of Small Craft Warnings and The Red Devil Battery Sign, which I believe have great merit still to be found in suitable productions. It seems to me no one was better at dramatizing insanity than Williams, but the later works seem written by insanity, which is far less interesting from a dramaturgical standpoint. In a review, someone once compared the heady part of one of my plays with the work of Williams such as Summer and Smoke (my personal favorite of his plays). While I was flattered, I have always felt that we are both playwrights and are both from the South, but therein the similarities end. Williams was brilliant at character construction, but could wreck a play like The Night of the Iguana by giving the tremendous characters nothing to do. I say all this to say it is not for lack of trying that I have my qualms with Williams. Out of all the playwrights I have read deeply, I have read more of him and more work about him than the average Joe who claims him his favorite while only knowing Streetcar. Donald Spoto's The Kindness of Strangers is one of those controversial books to Williams' associates that makes great reading for those of us who didn't know the man. There is pain and heartbreak in its chapters, but unlike many biographies of him (including Williams' own Memoirs), there a greater overall vision of Williams' work and life. The more recent biography, Tom, covers less information in more pages than Spoto's work and is only on half of his life (It should be said, John Lahr is finishing the work with Tenn). Reading Williams and reading about Williams is not for the faint of heart. I believe the man was born at the right second, minute, hour, day, month, and year that made great continuous playwriting impossible. There was no chance for the comeback that O'Neill and Albee had. Neither was there for Miller (equally disturbing). And yet, his life is worth knowing and most of his work worth remembering and I hope people talk about me with 1/25th of the passion with which they debate Williams.

Favorite Fairy Tale: Rumpelstiltskin

Who could ever explain what makes a fairy tale appealing to you? It captured your imagination so long ago. All I know is it's always been "Rumpelstiltskin" from the Brothers Grimm's Children's and Household Tales. I think it has something to do with a beautifully illustrated version I found in a library once (one of my first trips to a library) and an animated musical version by Hallmark's Timeless Tales video series. After reading more Disney-fied versions of the story, I prefer the Brothers' 1857 edition which ends with Rumpelstiltskin splitting himself in two. The gruesomeness, I suppose, appeals to boys. However, after hearing an interesting interpretation of "Sleeping Beauty" that compares the finger-pricking to the first sign of menstrual blood for young women, I've taken fairy tales a lot more seriously. As a result, Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine's Into the Woods can only suffice for my adult self.

Favorite Scripture: Doctrine and Covenants

When thinking of literary genres to include wth Favorites, the scripture category seemed a natural selection for me while others may not consider them art in the traditional sense. For the very religious, scriptures are road-maps and rule-books. For cultural critics, they are the products of their time and can only be seen from a literary or historical standpoint. For most people, my favorite scripture tome, the Doctrine and Covenants of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, will be misunderstood as my choice of favorite scripture. While the King James Version of the Holy Bible is gorgeous in many ways and contemporary readers of scripture pour over the Bhagavad-Gita, or related scriptures of Eastern religion, I find the voice of God as interpreted through the Latter-day Saint Prophet Joseph Smith to be moving and powerful-- much more so than the Book of Mormon itself, which celebrates its 181st publication birthday this year. As published by the official Mormon church, the sections are mostly revelations of Smith, who saw the afterlife, the concept of the Godhood, and the role of family in a completely different way than Catholic and Protestant Christians. A few sections consist of revelations by Joseph Fielding Smith, Wilford Woodruff, and Spencer W. Kimball. By the fact alone that revelation and scripture are both currently open in the Mormon Christian arena, their take on scripture as not some closed-off, past relic is refreshing in light of fundamentalists everywhere who read the Bible and other books literally to the detriment of their fellow man.

Favorite Children's Book: The House at Pooh Corner

In much the way I favor Through the Looking-glass and What Alice Found There to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, I prefer A. A. Milne's second book Pooh stories-- The House at Pooh Corner-- as opposed to the Winnie-the-Pooh original. I think it's the stories themselves-- the introduction of Tigger and the better stories for Eeyore. Also, the ending and saying goodbye to Christopher Robin as he is growing up makes the book a bittersweet companion to the original. I'll always prefer bitter-sweetness over the sacchrine look at childhood.

Favorite Graphic Novel: Watchmen

Slowly, my sense of what is art and what is entertainment only is widening. As my final entry to literary works, I'm including the Alan Moore/Dave Gibbons' creation Watchmen. There are still some new forms which I believe may never become art. I tend to agree with Roger Ebert that, however grand video games become, I have a feeling they'll never really be art in the sense that art changes you internally. But, then again, I could be blinkered. I didn't use to think that a comic would ever be called a graphic novel. Times are changing and I have to get with it sometimes.

Favorites #1: Film Subjects

2011-03-19T15:44:00.004-05:00

"Favorites" is going to be an offering of a favorite piece of art. These are not necessarily my answers to "What is the best...?" They merely represent some of my favorite pieces.

Favorite Film- 2001: A Space Odyssey
If Francis Ford Coppola’s The Godfather is the greatest narrative film of all time, then Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey is the greatest non-narrative film—which, to me, makes it a candidate for the greatest period. Adapted from Arthur C. Clarke’s short story “The Sentinel,” 2001 was a major leap forward in terms of special effects in the film industry. When I first saw it, I remember crying for at least an hour. What to others may seem opaque I saw as (to use a phrase by Kubrick’s widow) an “agnostic prayer,” which seemed to me to be the cinematic equivalent of a great and relevant work. 2001 was the first film that I felt was on par with the great poems, the great novels, the great works of visual art.

Favorite Short Film- Lumiere

While I think most would agree the 1995 experiment Lumiere and Company was a hit-and-miss operation, there are few that would argue that the greatest piece included was David Lynch’s Lumiere, a near perfect melding of classical filmmaking style and his own unique imagination. Lumiere and Company was a film project in which contemporary filmmakers such as Spike Lee, Peter Greenaway, and Michael Haneke produced shorts with the camera invented by the Lumiere Brothers, who gave us some of the earliest films, including Arrival of a Train at a Station. The projects had to be no longer than 52 seconds with no synchronized sound and shot in no more than three takes. Lynch’s film might as well be a condensation of his entire oeuvre—a frightening meditation on the distress of one of his many tragic heroines.

Favorite Animated Film- Spirited Away

There are few movies that completely transport you to a different world. Animated films, while asking the most of us in terms of suspension of disbelief, more often than not achieve the goal of transportation. While I would be lying if I said Disney films aren’t my favorite animated motion pictures, I would also be lying if I denied this film the top spot. I’m not a real fan of Japanese animation, but when there are some I like, they usually rival my favorite films—whether they are live action or animation. Spirited Away is a startling and beautiful film—one of the few pieces of art that takes its cue from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland but actually rivals Carroll’s classic. There is nothing to do when watching the film—you just sit back in awe and allow it to work over you.

Favorite Screenplay- Short Cuts

Screenplays are famously overlooked as significant works of art in themselves because they are sandcastles ready to be washed over on the beaches. They are merely blueprints for what may or may not arise in the course of filmmaking. In this spirit, the most famous maker of films like sand castles-- Robert Altman-- has to be singled out for his sprawling and majestic work with Frank Barhydt on adapting nine Raymond Carver stories and one poem for the film Short Cuts. A typical Altman film might completely side-step a screenplay or may change it with improvisation and behavioral reverie. In the case of Short Cuts, a screenplay was necessary to layer the mosaic of Southern California and the terse-tongued broken souls who populate what is arguably Altman's finest film. After having made nearly one film a year from 1970 to 1992, Altman was more than prepared for the work. In its published form, Short Cuts is a marvel of technical craft and a great place to start reading for any budding scripwriter.

2011 Golden Globe Predictions

2011-01-14T20:30:00.003-06:00

Including a new feature this year—includes what should not have been nominated.

Best Motion Picture—Drama

Should Win: Inception

Will Win: The Social Network

Shouldn’t Win: Black Swan

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture—Drama

Should Win: Natalie Portman, Black Swan

Will Win: Natalie Portman, Black Swan

Shouldn’t Win: Halle Berry, Frankie and Alice

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture—Drama

Should Win: Colin Firth, The King’s Speech

Will Win: Colin Firth, The King's Speech

Shouldn’t Win: Mark Wahlberg, The Fighter

Best Motion Picture—Comedy or Musical

Should Win: None of them

Will Win: The Kids are All Right

Shouldn’t Win: All of them, but especially Burlesque

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture—Comedy or Musical

Should Win: Emma Stone, Easy A

Will Win: Anne Hathaway, Love and Other Drugs

Shouldn’t Win: Angelina Jolie, The Tourist

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture—Comedy or Musical

Should Win: Jake Gyllenhaal, Love and Other Drugs

Will Win: Johnny Depp, Alice in Wonderland

Shouldn’t Win: Johnny Depp, The Tourist

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

Should Win: Amy Adams, The Fighter

Will Win: Mila Kunis, Black Swan

Shouldn’t Win: Mila Kunis, Black Swan

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

Should Win: Christian Bale, The Fighter

Will Win: Geoffrey Rush, The King's Speech

Shouldn’t Win: Michael Douglas, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Best Animated Feature Film

Should Win: Tangled

Will Win: Toy Story 3

Shouldn’t Win: How to Train Your Dragon

Best Foreign Language Film

Should Win: The Concert, France

Will Win: I am Love, Italy

Shouldn’t Win: The Edge, Russia

Best Director—Motion Picture

Should Win: Christopher Nolan, Inception

Will Win: David Fincher, The Social Network

Shouldn’t Win: Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan

Best Screenplay—Motion Picture

Should Win: Christopher Nolan, Inception

Will Win: Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network

Shouldn’t Win: Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network

Best Original Score—Motion Picture

Should Win: Hans Zimmer, Inception

Will Win: Alexander Desplat, The King's Speech

Shouldn’t Win: A. R. Rahman, 127 Hours

Best Original Song—Motion Picture

Should Win: “I See the Light,” Tangled

Will Win: “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me,” Burlesque

Shouldn’t Win: “Bound to You,” Burlesque

Best Television Series—Drama

Should Win: Mad Men

Will Win: Mad Men

Shouldn’t Win: The Good Wife

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series—Drama

Should Win: Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife

Will Win: Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

Shouldn’t Win: Patey Sagal, Sons of Anarchy

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series—Drama

Should Win: Michael C. Hall, Dexter

Will Win: Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

Shouldn’t Win: Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire

Best Television Series—Comedy or Musical

Should Win: Modern Family

Will Win: Modern Family

Shouldn’t Win: Glee

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series—Comedy or Musical

Should Win: Laura Linney, The Big C

Will Win: Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

Shouldn’t Win: Toni Collette, United States of Tara

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series—Comedy or Musical

Should Win: Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Will Win: Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Shouldn’t Win: Steve Carell, The Office

Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Should Win: Temple Grandin

Will Win: Temple Grandin

Shouldn’t Win: The Pacific

Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Should Win: Claire Danes, Temple Grandin

Will Win: Claire Danes, Temple Grandin

Shouldn’t Win: Hayley Atwell, Pillars of the Earth

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Should Win: Dennis Quaid, The Special Relationship

Will Win: Al Pacino, You Don't Know Jack

Shouldn’t Win: Ian McShane, Pillars of the Earth

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series, or Motion Picture Made for Television

Should Win: Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

Will Win: Jane Lynch, Glee

Shouldn’t Win: Julia Stiles, Dexter

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series, or Motion Picture Made for Television

Should Win: David Strathairn, Temple Grandin

Will Win: Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

Shouldn’t Win: Chris Colfer, Glee

You've Got Nowhere to go; and I Have a Couch" and Other Great Lines from BURLESQUE

2010-11-27T19:02:00.004-06:00

Criticism occupies a bizarre place in my writing life. It is secondary to my dramatic writing and I often utilize it between plays rather than doing those God-awful exercises where you write “diarrhea of the mind” dialogue until a new play occurs. I do not begin work on a play until I know the full story, including the ending and the ending image. This means that, when I criticize a dramatic work, I tend to be very hard on the subject because I think about what I do and I expect others to. But, sometimes, they don’t.

In the last year, there were many times I should’ve stepped up to the plate and offered criticism of films. After all, in the last year, I’ve experienced a true phenomenon—there have been three films that have been released into the mainstream that I actually enjoyed. I’ll go a step further—I flipped over Avatar, Inception, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows—Part I (the latter is the strangest because I was a strong detractor of the last Harry Potter installment). But, none of these great films made me want to sit down and convert my praises into words. That’s because sometimes it’s more fun to pull something down than to lift something up. It is, in fact, the American way—to really enjoy killing someone’s moment—I’m thinking of Ebert’s review of North. This brings me to my subject—a film that should never have been made or released.

Burlesque was crafted presumably to target two types of film-goers: a) the Sex and the City-obsessed women who’ve had one too many margaritas at dinner and have decided to catch a flick and b) the myriad numbers of adolescents and lonely adults who hunger over things that are never going to happen—like Jessica Alba taking her clothes off in a film. No heterosexual male would go to Burlesque unless they believed they had a chance at seeing the ex-Xtina Aguilera getting naked. I am not immune from this category. But, four minutes into the previews, I remembered that the theatrical form of “burlesque” was always about making people think you’re going to show nudity and then, not.

The migraine set in, though, only when Aguilera, playing an Iowa cornhusker named Ali, stood on a makeshift stage in a bum-less bar and belted out notes that only Christina Aguilera could create. I knew a) there was going to be no attempt at acting on her part and b) it was really going to be a musical. Somehow, I hoped it would be just a movie with songs. But, no—that, too, is one of the many masquerades of this motion picture. It was my impression that bad musicals only occurred on Broadway—based on the bad movie. Well, this is both. I guess we’ll have to wait a few years for Broadway to get this one. Maybe the wound will just have healed by then.

The migraine worsened when I noticed Aguilera has an “Executive Producer” music credit. You have to give it to her—she’s realized she will not make it more than a few more years singing the kind of material she’s good at. She’s not a crowned pop princess like Britney, aside from an exotic last name she’s not really ethnic, and she’s really kind of a plain Jane if you look closely. She has been given good advice to go into the film business before absolutely no one is listening to her albums anymore. But, the advice has not worked because she has chosen or been given a vehicle so ridiculous that only someone with a name and a resume could recover from it.

A decade ago, a movie like Burlesque would’ve sunken into the territory of Sextette, Myra Breckenridge, and Showgirls—out of the theaters quickly, directly to a home video market (or not released for private use at all), and only watched out of sociological interest. Unfortunately, writer/director Steve Antin has avoided that by procuring a cast of pretty talented people—Stanley Tucci (the film’s only saving grace) and a galaxy of unused talents—from the one-note character played by Peter Gallagher to the pointless appearance of Kristen Bell to the even more pointless inclusion of Alan Cumming. Rounding this out is Eric Dane, an actor who has potential but couldn’t pick material if his life depended on it. Of course, let’s not forget the comeback kid herself—Face Lift, I mean...Collagen Queen…I mean Riddled Corpse…I mean Cher.

The film takes two of the oldest and stupidest plots ever—the Ruby Keeler-42nd Street cornhusker-cum-star thingy and the grande-dame who is losing her club thingy. These thingies are mish-mashed together and thankfully interrupted consistently. But, when they are, it’s with a turgid love story and/or terrible songs. The love interest for Ms. Aguilera is Cam Gigandet, who seems like he could be impressive, but is given a character who the screenplay will not admit is a shallow, talentless jerk-off.

Throw in a version of Los Angeles where Burlesque (which technically died in the 1930’s) still exists and the only Black people are a DJ (hardy-har-har) and a club dancer named Coco (which gives Tucci a chance to give a truly terrible joke when he tells her a suitor is “cuckoo” for her) and you’ve got a mess which should have been kitschy and delightful, but is stupid and aggravating.

The only genuine moment in the whole damned charade is a one-night stand-turned potential partnership that occurs almost 90 minutes into the film (the film is 2 hours, but feels like four). The scene is funny—Tucci and his young boy have slept with each other before really knowing each others’ names and an invitation to lunch seems like a prelude to a life of happiness. But, this is not enough for entertainment. It’s not enough for a ten minute play or a youtube video.

I shouldn’t be so hard on the movie alone. I wasn’t nearly as disgusted with it as I was the people around me who were enjoying themselves. There was a couple of perverts to my left who loudly said things which were unhelpful (“There he is” when a character appears on screen), there were the margarita maidens behind me who were prepared to lose their cookies over Cam’s cookie-disguised dingus, and a gay couple in front of me who seemed to not be aware that the film is more condescending to the homosexual community than an episode of Will and Grace. Thankfully, civility prevailed and I didn’t hit anyone in the theater.

But, my do I miss the days when a movie this bad would disappear quickly. I’m afraid it won’t due to downloads, a pretty good ad campaign (which fooled even me into thinking it could be fun), and probably a “Special Burly DVD Edition” which will feature both a sing-along track and a commentary track that will explain how they were able to keep Cher’s jaw from falling off.

BurlesqueWritten and Directed by Steve Antin

Featuring Cher
Christina Aguilera
Eric Dane
Cam Gigandet
Julianne Hough
Alan Cumming
Peter Gallagher
Kristen Bell
Stanley Tucci
Dianna Agron

2010 Primetime Emmy Award Predictions

2010-08-27T21:30:00.003-05:00

Outstanding Voice-Over Performance
Will Win: Hank Azaria, The Simpsons
Should Win: Seth Green, Robot Chicken
Kudos for nominating: Anne Hathaway, The Simpsons

Outstanding Animated Program
Will Win: Prep and Landing
Should Win: South Park
Kudos for nominating: South Park

Outstanding Commercial
Will Win: Mars Snack Food US/Snicker
Should Win: Mars Snack Food US/Snicker
Kudos for nominating: Old Spice Body Wash

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Will Win: Tony Shalhoub, Monk
Should Win: Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Kudos for nominating: Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Will Win: Matthew Fox, Lost
Should Win: Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
Kudos for nominating: Hugh Laurie, House, M. D.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Miniseries or a Movie
Will Win: Michael Sheen, The Special Relationship
Should Win: Sir Ian McKellen, The Prisoner
Kudos for nominating: Jeff Bridges, A Dog Year

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Will Win: Toni Collette, The United States of Tara
Should Win: Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Kudos for nominating: Lea Michele, Glee

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Will Win: January Jones, Mad Men
Should Win: Mariska Hargitay, Law and Order: Special Victims Unit
Kudos for nominating: Glenn Close, Damages

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Will Win: Joan Allen, Georgia O’Keefe
Should Win: Joan Allen, Georgia O’Keefe
Kudos for nominating: Maggie Smith, Capturing Mary

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Will Win: Chris Colfer, Glee
Should Win: Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Kudos for nominating: Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Will Win: Michael Emerson, Lost
Should Win: Martin Short, Damages
Kudos for nominating: Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or a Movie
Will Win: Michael Gambon, Emma
Should Win: David Strathairn, Temple Grandin
Kudos for nominating: Sir Patrick Stewart, Hamlet

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Will Win: Jane Lynch, Glee
Should Win: Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Kudos for nominating: Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Will Win: Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Should Win: Rose Byrne, Damages
Kudos for nominating: Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie
Will Win: Susan Sarandon, You Don’t Know Jack
Should Win: Kathy Bates, Alice
Kudos for nominating: Catherine O’Hara, Temple Grandin

Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program
Will Win: Jeff Probst, Survivor
Should Win: Ryan Seacrest, American Idol
Kudos for nominating: Tom Bergeron, Dancing with the Stars

Outstanding Comedy Series
Will Win: Glee
Should Win: Modern Family
Kudos for Nominating: Nurse Jackie

Outstanding Drama Series
Will Win: Lost
Should Win: Breaking Bad
Kudos for Nominating: Dexter

Outstanding Miniseries
Will Win: The Pacific
Should Win: Return to Cranford
Kudos for Nominating: Return to Cranford

Outstanding Made for Television Movie
Will Win: George O’Keefe
Should Win: Endgame
Kudos for Nominating: Endgame

Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series
Will Win: The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
Should Win: The Colbert Report
Kudos for Nominating: Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Variety, Music, or Comedy Special
Will Win: Hope for Haiti Now
Should Win: Bill Maher: …but I’m Not Wrong”
Kudos for Nominating: The Kennedy Center Honors

Outstanding Special Class Program:
Will Win: The Daily Show’s “Ask a Correspondent”
Should Win: 82nd Annual Academy Awards
Kudos for Nominating: Avatar: Enter the World of Pandora

Outstanding Children’s Program
Will Win: iCarly
Should Win: iCarly
Kudos for Nominating: Wizards of Waverly Place

Outstanding Children’s Nonfiction Program
Will Win: When Families Grieve
Should Win: Nick News with Linda Ellerbee
Kudos for Nominating: Nick News with Linda Ellerbee

Outstanding Nonfiction Special
Will Win: By the People: The Election of Barack Obama
Should Win: Believe: The Eddie Izzard Story
Kudos for Nominating: Believe: The Eddie Izzard Story

Outstanding Nonfiction Series
Will Win: Life
Should Win: Monty Python: Almost the Truth (The Lawyer’s Cut)
Kudos for Nominating: American Masters

Outstanding Reality Program
Will Win: Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution
Should Win: Antiques Roadshow
Kudos for Nominating: Dirty Jobs

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program
Will Win: The Amazing Race
Should Win: Top Chef
Kudos for Nominating: American Idol

Excerpt from Robert Cole's translation of A DOLL'S HOUSE

2010-08-20T19:44:00.003-05:00

This translation has its world premiere September 18, 2010 at the PVHS Fine Arts Center Auditorium. Go to the link above for more information.

NORA: (in her everyday clothes) Yes, Torvald, I’ve changed.

TORVALD: Why? It’s so late…

NORA: I’m not going to bed.

TORVALD: But, Nora…

NORA: (looking at her watch) It’s not all that late. Sit here, Torvald. We have a lot to talk about.

(She sits at one side of the table.)

TORVALD: Nora…what’s going on? You’re so…serious…

NORA: Sit down. This will take some time. We have to talk.

TORVALD: (sitting down at the table across from her) You’re scaring me, Nora. I don’t understand you.

NORA: That’s right, you don’t. And I’ve never understood you…until tonight…Please don’t interrupt me. I want you to listen. We need to settle up accounts.

TORVALD: What do you mean?

NORA: (after a short silence) Doesn’t something feel strange about this—us sitting here like this…?

TORVALD: What?

NORA: We’ve been married for eight years and I think this is the first time we’ve sat down as husband and wife to talk about anything serious…

TORVALD: What is it that’s serious?

NORA: In all of these eight years—longer even—from the first time we met, we have never exchanged a serious word about serious things.

TORVALD: What do you want me to do—constantly worry you with things you wouldn’t want to handle?

NORA: I’m not talking about your business. I mean we’ve never been earnest in getting to the bottom of something…

TORVALD: But, Nora, what would it have meant to you?

NORA: You see? You’ve never understood me. I’ve really been wronged. First, by my father and then, by you.

TORVALD: What? By us? Two people who’ve loved you more than anything in the world?

NORA: (shaking her head) You’ve never loved me. You’ve only been in love with loving me.

TORVALD: Nora, what are you saying?

NORA: You know it’s true. When I was home with my father, he told me all of his opinions and they became my opinions. If I didn’t, I didn’t say anything—I ignored it—because it wouldn’t have made him happy. He would call me his doll-child. And he played with me like I was one of his dolls. Then, I came to your home…

TORVALD: What a thing to say about our marriage.

NORA: (not moved) As a doll, I was passed from my father’s hands into yours. You arranged everything according to your taste, and I developed the same taste…or, at least, I pretended to to make you happy. When I think about it, I’ve lived here like a prisoner. Sometimes, I’m taken out of my cell to perform tricks for you. That’s the way you wanted it. You and my father have committed a great sin against me. It’s your fault that I have really no life.

TORVALD: Nora, this is unreasonable…ungrateful. Are you going to tell me you haven’t been happy here?

NORA: No, I have never been. I thought I had, but I haven’t.

TORVALD: Not…not happy?

NORA: Just going through the motions. You’ve always been kind to me, but…our home has been nothing but a playroom. I’ve been your doll just as I was to my father. And the children have been my dolls. I thought it was nice when you would take me off the shelf and play with me—just like our children think it’s nice when I play with them. That’s been our marriage, Torvald.

TORVALD: Listen…I’ll admit that there is some truth in what you say—even if it’s blown out of proportion…But, I can promise it won’t be that way anymore. No more playtime. It’s time for education.

NORA: Mine or the children’s?

TORVALD: Both you and the children, Nora.

NORA: Torvald…you’re not the man who could teach me how to be a wife.

TORVALD: Listen to you…

NORA: And I’m not the woman to raise these children…

TORVALD: Nora!

NORA: You even said it before—you wouldn’t dare leave the children to me for raising.

TORVALD: I was angry. You can’t pay any attention to that.

NORA: No, you said it quite right. I’m not fit for that task. There’s a task that must be completed first. I’ve got to educate myself. There isn’t a man who could help me do that. I must do it alone. And that’s why I’m leaving you.

TORVALD: (rising) What did you say?

NORA: I have to stand alone if I’m going to find out who I am. That’s why I can’t be with you anymore.

TORVALD: Nora, Nora!

NORA: I won’t leave town immediately. I’ll stay with Kristine for the evening…

TORVALD: You’re insane! You’re not allowed! I forbid it!

NORA: It won’t help to forbid me anymore. I’ll take what’s mine. I won’t take anything that’s yours—now or later.

TORVALD: This is madness.

NORA: Tomorrow, I'm going home—my old home. It will be easier for me to start over there.

TORVALD: You’re a blind and foolish woman.

NORA: I know. I have to try to see clearly now, Torvald.

TORVALD: Leaving your home? Your husband and your children? What will people say?

NORA: I don’t care. I only care what’s best for me right now.

TORVALD: This is outrageous. How can you forsake your sacred duties?

NORA: What duties?

TORVALD: I have to tell you?! Your sacred duties to your husband and children!

NORA: There are other duties just as sacred.

TORVALD: What could they possibly be?

NORA: My duties to myself.

TORVALD: You are first and foremost a wife and mother.

NORA: I don’t think so anymore. I think that, first and foremost, I’m a human being—just like you—or, at least, I should try to be. I know that most people would say you’re right. But, I can’t let most people choose my path. I have to discover it by myself. I have to grow up.

TORVALD: You obviously don’t understand your place in this home—a woman’s place in the home. Do you not have a guide for these things—what religion would say?

NORA: Torvald, I’m not even sure I know what religion is.

TORVALD: What are you saying?!

NORA: I don’t know anything except for what Father Hansen has told me at my confirmation. He said religion was this and that and…When I’m away from all this, I can find out whether what the priest said was true—or, at least, right for me.

TORVALD: This is unheard of for a young woman…Alright, if religion can’t steer you, let me! What are your morals? Or do you have any?

NORA: I really don’t know. I don’t know what to think. All I know is I think differently than you. Apparently, I think different from the law too, but I can’t make myself believe the law’s right. It says a woman has no right to spare her dying father…or to save her husband. I can’t agree with that.

TORVALD: You’re talking like a child. You don’t understand society.

NORA: No, I don’t. But, I want to. After all, I’ve got to decide if society’s right or if I am.

TORVALD: You have to be sick, Nora; you have to have a fever or something…You’re mind is deranged…

NORA: I’ve never felt more clear-minded…or certain.

TORVALD: And, with your certainly, you’re leaving your husband and your children?

NORA: Yes, I am.

TORVALD: There’s only one explanation.

NORA: What?

TORVALD: You don’t love me anymore.

NORA: You’re right. I don’t.

TORVALD: Nora…please don’t say…

NORA: I feel terrible, Torvald—you’ve always been kind to me. But, I’m sorry. I don’t love you anymore.

TORVALD: (regaining composure) Is that also a clear-minded conviction?

NORA: Yes—clear and certain. That’s why I can’t stay.

TORVALD: Can you tell me what I’ve done to make you fall out of love with me?

NORA: Yes, I can. It was tonight. When the most remarkable thing didn’t happen, I knew you weren’t right for me.

TORVALD: Explain. I don’t understand.

NORA: I’ve waited patiently for eight years now. God knows remarkable things don’t happen every day. Then, all this happened and I was sure the most remarkable thing was going to happen. When Krogstad’s letter was sitting out there in the box, it never occurred to me you would bend to his terms. I was so sure you would say, “Tell everyone! Let the world know!” and when it happened…

TORVALD: Alright. If I had done that, wouldn’t I have thrown my wife into shame and disgrace…?

NORA. When it happened, I was so certain you would step forward and take all the blame.

TORVALD: Nora…

NORA: I’m not saying I would’ve let you do it. But, who would’ve believed me? …That was the miracle I hoped for and dreaded. To prevent it, I was going to kill myself.

TORVALD: I would work night and day to make you happy, Nora—bear sorrow and longing for your sake. But, no man sacrifices their honor for love’s sake.

NORA: Millions of women have.

TORVALD: You think and speak like a child…

NORA: Maybe so. But, you don’t think or speak like the man who I could live with. When your anger was over—not because I was threatened, but because you were threatened—then, it was like nothing ever happened. I was your skylark, again—your doll, who you would carry gently because I was fragile and frail. (rising) Torvald, right then and there, it dawned on me that, for eight years, I’ve lived with a stranger and I had children with this man…Oh, God! I can’t bear to think of it! I could tear myself from limb to limb!

TORVALD: (sadly) Alright, I see it. There is a rift between us. But, what if it could be repaired?

NORA: As I am, I’m no wife for you.

TORVALD: Then, I can be a better man…

NORA: Perhaps…but only if your doll is taken from you.

TORVALD: To be separated…from you! Nora, I can’t wrap my head around that.

NORA: (beginning to leave) That’s another reason why it has to happen.

(She exits and re-enters with her coat and a small bag, which she puts on the chair next to the table.)
TORVALD: Nora, please, not now! Wait until tomorrow.

NORA: (putting on her coat) I can’t sleep in a stranger’s house.

TORVALD: We could live here…like brother and sister…

NORA: (putting on her hat) You know very well it wouldn’t last long . (placing the shawl around her) Goodbye, Torvald. I don’t want to see the children. They’re in better hands than mine. As I am now, I can be nothing for them.

TORVALD: But…maybe…someday, Nora?

NORA: I can’t be sure. I don’t know what’s ahead of me.

TORVALD: But, you are my wife, no matter what’s ahead.

NORA: Listen, Torvald—when a wife leaves her husband's home, as I’m doing now—the husband is free from any obligation to her. You’re free. Don’t feel any more bound than I do. Both sides have to be freed. Here is your ring. Give me mine.

TORVALD: That too?

NORA: That too.

TORVALD: Here…

NORA: Alright. Now, it's over. Here are your keys. If you need anything, I know that Helene knows the house better than I do. Tomorrow, I’ll send Kristine to pack up my things. Then, I’ll send for other things I own.

TORVALD: Nora, will you ever think of me?

NORA: I will certainly think of you often—and the children and this house...

TORVALD: May I write to you, Nora?

NORA: Not under any circumstance.

TORVALD: But, at least, let me send you…

NORA: Nothing. Nothing.

TORVALD: I could help you if you were ever…

NORA: No. I can’t take anything from a stranger.

TORVALD: Nora, can I ever be anything more than a stranger to you?

NORA: (picking up the bag) To be that, Torvald, the most remarkable thing would need to happen.

TORVALD: Tell me! Anything!

NORA: That would require you and I to…Torvald, I know longer believe in miracles...

TORVALD: But, I do. Would require us to…?

NORA: Change so much that our relationship could actually be considered a marriage. Goodbye.

(She exits.)

TORVALD: (sinking down in a chair and covering his face with his hands) Nora! Nora! Nora…Nora…(looking around and getting up) Darkness. She’s no longer here. (hopefully) The most remarkable thing…?

(From below, we hear the booming sound of the door closing shut.)

Excerpt from ABOVE THE MOUNTAINS

2010-04-03T11:23:00.004-05:00

An earlier play of mine, Above the Mountains (part of the Walstone cycle), will be given a revival as part of PVHS Fine Arts Nights on May 13, 2010 at the PVHS Fine Arts Center Auditorium along with the talents of the Band, Choral, and Visual Arts departments of PVHS. The play is available in Songs of the Valley: Selected Plays of Robert Cole as well as in a self-contained action edition from Holly Grove Press. Below is an excerpt.

Randall Cullen and Kay Marshall are on a hiking trip on Mt. Hood, Alabama. Randall has not admitted to being afraid of heights, but has gone on the trip because of his attraction to Kay. They have taken a break on a legde on the cliff.

(Randall looks at the cliff, Kay looks down off the cliff. She sits near the edge. She looks at him and motions for him to come closer.)

KAY: You can come closer.

RANDALL : (trying to be stronger) Well, alright 'den.

(Randall sits where he stands and then edges over to Kay-- he remains still far back from her. Kay laughs. Randall gets up again.)

RANDALL: Shoot, I ain't gonna put up with you.

KAY: (changing the subject) S'pretty up hyar.

RANDALL : (slowly) Yes, it is. This breeze is lovely. (beat) And you are, too, by the way.

(Kay laughs.)

RANDALL: Dang it! What are you laughin' about now? I try to be all ro-mantic and stuff like that...

KAY: I's only laughin' 'cause you 'bout the only boy in this whole county who'd tell a girl she look good while she all sweaty and her hair ain't fixed.

RANDALL: Well, it's 'bout perty to me!

KAY: (mocking his tone) Why, thank ya. I just fixed it all up for you!

RANDALL: Dang it, woman!

KAY: (after a pause) When I went up North...At's when I first saw women who weren't afeared of how they look. (beat) In fact, some of 'em were dawg ugly...

RANDALL: (snarling at Kay) They ain't too much pertier down hyar.

KAY: Yeah, whatever, Mr. Ro-Mantic...Anyway, I looked at us women here in the south and I'd look at 'em up there. Up there, they so smart it ain't even funny but they ain't pretty. And down here, it's amazin'-- every sangle one of 'em's ripe for beauty queen and they 'bout dumb as bricks. (beat) I'm happy to be somewhere in between.

(She looks at him. Randall shakes his head slowly.)

KAY: (smiling) Naw?

RANDALL: Naw. I'd say you's the best o' both.

(Silence.)

KAY : Man, you got two on me and I ain't even started.

(Kay smiles.)

RANDALL: (after a beat) I gotta tell you somethin'.

KAY: What is it? You gon' git all serious on me, now?

RANDALL: I...Now, listen, I ain't never bet money on hittin' nobody like them men at the...

KAY: Will you shutup and tell me what you gon' tell me?

RANDALL: (after a pause) I ain't got the money to take you into town this Friday. How 'bout that?

(Pause. Kay shrugs her shoulders.)

KAY: As'okay.

RANDALL: Well, it ain't okay to me! I'm sorry-- it just ain't. I wanna do everythang in the world for you-- go and have you wake up Friday mornin' with a lim-o-sine waitin' outside ya front door and...

KAY: Look, now, I know ya ain't like those men, alright? (pause) And you don't have to do none o' that. Shoot. You came up here hikin' with me an' you all afeared o' heights.

RANDALL: I ain't afeared o' heights!

KAY: It's okay if you are.

RANDALL: I ain't, though.

KAY : Alright, whatever, but I'm tellin' you you don't have to do none o' that.

(Silence.)

RANDALL: (starting to smile) You ain't got no idea how much you...

(Pause.)

KAY: You too.

(They laugh.)
RANDALL: If I truly were afeared o' heights and mountains and all that and...if I wanted to leave off this mountain right now, you'd be alright with it, wouldn't ya?

KAY: Yeah, I would.

(Silence.)

KAY: Do you want to?

RANDALL: (shaking his head) Naw.

(Randall starts to go closer to Kay. But, he doesn't want to go any closer to the edge. He motions for her to come to him. She shakes her head and motions for him to come near her.)

RANDALL: You 'bout impossible to git on with.

KAY: You 'bout the scardiest man I ever seen on a mountain.

Oscar Predictions

2010-03-03T08:49:00.002-06:00

Performance by an actor in a leading role
Will Win: Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
Should Win: Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
Kudos for Nominating: Colin Firth, A Single Man

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Will Win: Christoph Waltz, Inglorious Basterds
Should Win: Christoph Waltz, Inglorious Basterds
Kudos for Nominating: Christoph Waltz, Inglorious Basterds

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Will Win: Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Should Win: Gabourey Sidibe, Precious
Kudos for Nominating: Helen Mirren, The Last Station

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Will Win: Mo’Nique, Precious
Should Win: Mo’Nique, Precious
Kudos for Nominating: Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart

Best animated feature film of the year
Will Win: Up
Should Win: Up
Kudos for Nominating: The Secret of Kells

Achievement in art direction
Will Win: Avatar
Should Win: Avatar
Kudos for Nominating: Sherlock Holmes

Achievement in cinematography
Will Win: Avatar
Should Win: Avatar
Kudos for Nominating: Inglorious Basterds

Achievement in costume design
Will Win: Coco before Chanel
Should Win: The Young Victoria
Kudos for Nominating: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Achievement in directing
Will Win: James Cameron, Avatar
Should Win: James Cameron, Avatar
Kudos for Nominating: Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker

Best documentary feature
Will Win: The Most Dangerous Man in America: Daniel Ellsberg and the Pentagon Papers
Should Win: Food, Inc.
Kudos for Nominating: The Cove

Best documentary short subject
Will Win: China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province
Should Win: The Last Truck: Closing of a GM Plant
Kudos for Nominating: Music by Prudence

Achievement in film editing
Will Win: Avatar
Should Win: Avatar
Kudos for Nominating: Inglorious Basterds

Best foreign language film of the year
Will Win: A Prophet
Should Win: The Milk of Sorrow
Kudos for Nominating: The White Ribbon

Achievement in Makeup
Will Win: The Young Victoria
Should Win: Star Trek
Kudos for Nominating: Star Trek

Achievement in music written for motion pictures
Will Win: Up
Should Win: Sherlock Holmes
Kudos for Nominating: Fantastic Mr. Fox

Achievement in music written for motion pictures
Will Win: “The Weary Kind,” Crazy Heart
Should Win: “Down in New Orleans,” The Princess and the Frog
Kudos for Nominating: “Take it All,” Nine

Best motion picture of the year
Will Win: Avatar
Should Win: Avatar
Kudos for Nominating: Avatar

Best animated short film
Will Win: The Lady and the Reaper
Should Win: French Roast
Kudos for Nominating: Granny O’Grimm’s Sleeping Beauty

Best live action short film
Will Win: The New Tenants
Should Win: Kavi
Kudos for Nominating: Miracle Fish

Achievement in sound editing
Will Win: Avatar
Should Win: Avatar
Kudos for Nominating: Star Trek

Achievement in sound mixing
Will Win: Avatar
Should Win: Avatar
Kudos for Nominating: Star Trek

Achievement in visual effects
Will Win: Avatar
Should Win: Avatar
Kudos for Nominating: Star Trek

Adapted screenplay
Will Win: Precious
Should Win: An Education
Kudos for Nominating: In the Loop

Original screenplay
Will Win: The Hurt Locker
Should Win: Inglorious Basterds
Kudos for Nominating: The Messenger

An Excerpt from CRY OF THE NATIVE CHILDREN

2010-02-01T23:24:00.004-06:00

(This scene from Robert Cole's lastest play Cry of the Native Children, is from Scene 5, which is entitled "Fruit." The traveling Englishman John Rolfe has just been given a secret message from a fellow Brit, who has been living among the natives-- Barclay. Barclay flies to a local Native domicile in what will be Jamestown Village to see if Rolfe has received his message. Barclay is confronted by the fierce huntress Mantea, whith whom he shares an interesting past.)

(MANTEA looks cold and unsure. After a moment, BARCLAY runs in.)

BARCLAY: Where is Rolfe?

MANTEA: He is gone. He read your note, Englishman.

BARCLAY: Good.

(Pause.)

BARCLAY: And why are you so cold? What is this “Englishman?”

MANTEA: It is what you are. (beat) What was the meaning of that letter?

(Pause.)

BARCLAY: Your husband is planning to kill Smith’s right-hand man.

MANTEA: (icily) I should have known you’d be on their side.

BARCLAY: I am if they’ve not yet done anything. What is the purpose of Powhatan’s order to weaken Smith so they can break him before any damage is done to our people?

MANTEA: How dare you say our people? You are not one of us.

BARCLAY: (angered) I’ll remind you on many occasions when your husband has taken to other wives, this hut has been my home!

(MANTEA looks away.)

BARCLAY: Now, listen to me-- the person who you once admired...(beat) If they kill those men, then the rest of the English will have every reason to descend on this village as we did the last time! They are better prepared now. There should be no more death here. (pause) I have children here.

MANTEA : Children, indeed.

BARCLAY : Yes, children, as you well know as you gave birth to them!

(Silence. MANTEA almost begins to cry.)

BARCLAY: (walking about) I wrote the note so Rolfe could tell the others and they might leave. If they leave, that might be able to protect us. That dance was only meant to distract them while they could gather. I overheard them.

MANTEA : Where is my real protector?

BARCLAY: I don’t know. He ordered me home. I know he thought I might try to disturb their plan.

MANTEA: He is wise. I will side with my husband right or wrong.

(MANTEA begins to leave. BARCLAY stops her.)

BARCLAY: You cannot.

(After a moment, MANTEA stops struggling. After BARCLAY is certain she will no longer move, he sits down.)

BARCLAY: I was stupid and reckless to think that I could stay out of this. It seems it is my destiny to have no country.

*Cry of the Native Children is based upon George Washington Parke Custis' Pocahontas, or The Settlers of Virginia, and is being given a staged reading February 5-6 at 7:30 at the PVHS Fine Arts Center Auditorium in Pinson, Alabama. Check out http://www.walstonecounty.com/ for more info.

Golden Globe Predictions 2010

2010-01-12T22:19:00.001-06:00

As I always do, a list of what/who deserves to win, who will, and nice surprises in the field of nominating.

1. BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
a. Deserves to win: AVATAR
b. Will win: PRECIOUS
c. Kudos for nominating: INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

2. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE –DRAMA
a. Deserves to win: Helen Mirren, THE LAST STATION
b. Will win: Sandra Bullock, THE BLIND SIDE
c. Kudos for nominating: Gabourey Sidibe, PRECIOUS

3. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
a. Deserves to win: Jeff Bridges, CRAZY HEART
b. Will win: George Clooney, UP IN THE AIR
c. Kudos for nominating: Colin Firth, A SINGLE MAN

4. BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
a. Deserves to win: (500) DAYS OF SUMMER
b. Will win: (500) DAYS OF SUMMER
c. Kudos for nominating: NINE

5. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE –COMEDY OR MUSICAL
a. Deserves to win: Marion Cotillard, NINE
b. Will win: Meryl Streep, JULIE AND JULIA
c. Kudos for nominating: Marion Cotillard, NINE

6. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE –COMEDY OR MUSICAL
a. Deserves to win: Matt Damon, THE INFOMANT!
b. Will win: Robert Downey, Jr., SHERLOCK HOLMES
c. Kudos for nominating: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, (500) DAYS OF SUMMER

7. BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
a. Deserves to win: CORALINE
b. Will win: UP
c. Kudos for nominating: FANTASTIC MR. FOX

8. BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
a. Deserves to win: THE MAID
b. Will win: A PROPHET
c. Kudos for nominating: BROKEN EMBRACES

9. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
a. Deserves to win: Penelope Cruz, NINE
b. Will win: Mo’nique, PRECIOUS
c. Kudos for nominating: Mo’nique, PRECIOUS

10. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
a. Deserves to win: Christopher Waltz, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
b. Will win: Stanley Tucci, THE LOVELY BONES
c. Kudos for nominating: Woody Harrelson, THE MESSENGER

11. BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE
a. Deserves to win: James Cameron, AVATAR
b. Will win: James Cameron, AVATAR
c. Kudos for nominating: Jason Reitman, UP IN THE AIR

12. BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE
a. Deserves to win: Quentin Tarantino, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
b. Will win: Quentin Tarantino, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS
c. Kudos for nominating: Mark Boal, THE HURT LOCKER

13. BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE
a. Deserves to win: Karen O. and Carter Burwell, WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE
b. Will win: James Horner, AVATAR
c. Kudos for nominating: Marvin Hamlisch, THE INFORMANT!

14. BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE
a. Deserves to win: “Winter”—U2/Bono, BROTHERS
b. Will win: “I Want to Come Home”—Paul McCartney, EVERYBODY’S FINE
c. Kudos for nominating: “The Weary Kind”—Ryan Bingham/T Bone Burnett, CRAZY HEART

15. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
a. Deserves to win: BIG LOVE
b. Will win: MAD MEN
c. Kudos for nominating: BIG LOVE

16. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES –DRAMA
a. Deserves to win: Juliana Margulies, THE GOOD WIFE
b. Will win: Kyra Sedgwick, THE CLOSER
c. Kudos for nominating: Glenn Close, DAMAGES

17. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES –DRAMA
a. Deserves to win: Bill Paxton, BIG LOVE
b. Will win: Michael C. Hall, DEXTER
c. Kudos for nominating: Bill Paxton, BIG LOVE

18. BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
a. Deserves to win: MODERN FAMILY
b. Will win: GLEE
c. Kudos for nominating: MODERN FAMILY

19. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES –COMEDY OR MUSICAL
a. Deserves to win: Edie Falco, NURSE JACKIE
b. Will win: Edie Falco, NURSE JACKIE
c. Kudos for nominating: Lea Michele, GLEE

20. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES –COMEDY OR MUSICAL
a. Deserves to win: Thomas Jane, HUNG
b. Will win: David Duchovny, CALIFORNICATION
c. Kudos for nominating: David Duchovny, CALIFORNICATION

21. BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
a. Deserves to win: LITTLE DORRIT
b. Will win: INTO THE STORM
c. Kudos for nominating: GEORGIA O’KEEFE

22. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
a. Deserves to win: Anna Paquin, THE COURAGEOUS HEART OF IRENA SENDLER
b. Will win: Joan Allen, GOEGRIE O’ KEEFE
c. Kudos for nominating: Jessica Lange, GREY GARDENS

23. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
a. Deserves to win: Kenneth Branagh, WALLANDER: ONE STEP BEHIND
b. Will win: Brendan Gleeson, INTO THE STORM
c. Kudos for nominating: Chiwetel Ejiofor, ENDGAME

24. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
a. Deserves to win: Chloe Sevigny, BIG LOVE
b. Will win: Chloe Sevigny, BIG LOVE
c. Kudos for nominating: Jane Lynch, GLEE

25. BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
a. Deserves to win: John Lithgow, DEXTER
b. Will win: Michael Emerson, LOST
c. Kudos for nominating: William Hurt, DAMAGES

Top 100 Films of the Decade

2009-12-28T22:31:00.001-06:00

Coming up with any kind of exhaustive list is somewhat futile. After all, many of the foreign films listed here are only here because they had loudly heralded releases in North America. Still, assembling this list was quite exciting as I don’t think I realized how many really terrific films have been made in the last decade.

1. The Lord of the Rings (The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers, and The Return of the King)
2. Spirited Away
3. Avatar
4. In the Bedroom
5. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
6. Finding Nemo
7. Magnolia
8. The Departed
9. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
10. The Dark Knight
11. King Kong
12. The Aviator
13. The Queen
14. A History of Violence
15. Mulholland Drive
16. Alexander
17. Eastern Promises
18. Match Point
19. In America
20. Juno
21. Monster’s Ball
22. Monsoon Wedding
23. The Piano Teacher
24. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
25. Adaptation
26. Capturing the Friedmans
27. The Royal Tennenbaums
28. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
29. American Splendor
30. Across the Universe
31. Cinderella Man
32. Inland Empire
33. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
34. Minority Report
35. Batman Begins
36. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
37. The Incredibles
38. The Prestige
39. The Company
40. I Heart Huckabees
41. Good Night and Good Luck
42. Closer
43. American Movie
44. Gosford Park
45. Born into Brothels
46. Frailty
47. Catch Me if You Can
48. Lost in Translation
49. Remember the Titans
50. Collateral
51. The Golden Compass
52. Gladiator
53. Possession
54. Road to Perdition
55. Open Range
56. Love Actually
57. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
58. Traffic
59. Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired
60. A Prairie Home Companion
61. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
62. Garden State
63. About Schmidt
64. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
65. The Passion of the Christ
66. Ghost World
67. Grizzly Man
68. Super Size Me
69. The Brown Bunny
70. Thirteen
71. Casino Royale
72. State and Main
73. Cast Away
74. Inside Man
75. Sideways
76. The Secret Lives of Dentists
77. Bend it Like Beckham
78. Spider-man
79. Unfaithful
80. Akeelah and the Bee
81. Frost/Nixon
82. Spartan
83. George Washington
84. The Notebook
85. Changing Lanes
86. The Bourne Identity
87. The Last Samurai
88. Star Wars, Episode II: Attack of the Clones
89. Heist
90. Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple
91. Napoleon Dynamite
92. Requiem for a Dream
93. The New World
94. Topsy-Turvy
95. Walk the Line
96. Chicago
97. Mean Girls
98. Knocked Up
99. Dancer in the Dark
100. Superbad

Close Seconds (Alphabetically)

American Psycho
Black Snake Moan
Brick
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Dolls
Elf
Enchanted
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Girlfight
Hannibal
Hollywood Ending
Iron Man
King Arthur
Lilo and Stitch
Monsters, Inc.
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
Not Another Teen Movie
Pieces of April
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Pride and Prejudice
Quills
Rivers and Tides: Andy Goldsworthy Working with Time
Signs
Smart People
Stardust
The Bank Job
The Human Stain
The interpreter
The Majestic
The Original Kings of Comedy
The Squid and the Whale
The Terminal
The Triplets of Belleville
The Virgin Suicides
Touch the Sound
Unbreakable
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Wedding Crashers

Postdramatic Piece-- HEADRICK/water

2009-12-23T15:19:00.002-06:00

HEADRICK/water

Duration: 35 min.

A & B

(1)

A: Here we are.

B: Jesus. This is like a page from a magazine.

A: Giggle.

B: We try to be kind and gentle might say

A: Say

B: Giggle

A: Here we are.

B: Takes a glass.

AB: Well thank you in try to be kind might say from a magazine.

A: It’s an all an act of course.

******

(Segue)

constant but uneven shadows on the white wall

the long thick streams of water are pushed quickly

and violently out of the head

there is a power

a force that beats the wall

but soon runs down to a small chamber

from there, the bottom of a waterfall

some drips slowly and steadily with no conscious destination

the rest plops onto the floor

some simply beats the ground from above

few streams are out of order at the top

they enter the world of the shower fighting for independence

water teams

some pushes or is being pushed.

(2)

A: It’s all an act of course.

B: Excuse me.

A: Excuse me.

B: Excuse me.

A: Excuse me.

B: Excuse me.

A: I don’t even know why I rise above and care much about my job

(Hold)

A: He replaces me with some slut

B: Looks around.

B: Ma’am

A: Well, he and he and the judge had a little deal

Hire a Golden Girl year or so

then go back to the tricks

B: Listens.

A: Of course it was better than jail time

B: I suppose

A: He won’t have to look at my sagging face much longer

*****

(Segue)

at the very bottom as most of the water has reached the bottom the pattern changes from a long

thick violence to a circular swirl now the water is being pulled down to the drain some falls other

groups of water merge and hold each other but they’re all going down it all rushes to the

endpoint no longer fighting it falls

(3)

A: He can get back to his clapped-up genitals soon.

B: Not that he’s probaby not getting the same thing every Tuesday night.

A: B.

B: Slack-jawed.

A: I suppose I’ve made you nervous.

B: I know politicians

A: Their dealings.

B: But never in the casual but never in that casual manner

A: It’s typical of a person to speak of his name and ways quite quietly

B: But you’ll be gone

A: Here we are.

B: Jesus. This is like a page from a magazine.

A: Giggle.

B: We try to be kind and gentle might say

A: Say

B: Giggle

A: Here we are.

B: Takes a glass.

AB: Well thank you in try to be kind might say from a magazine.

A: It’s an all an act of course.

(Simultaneous)

at the very bottom as most of the water has

reached the bottom the pattern changes from

a long thick violence to a circular swirl now

the water is being pulled down to the drain

some falls other groups of water merge and

hold each other but they’re all going down

it all rushes to the endpoint

no longer fighting it falls

the rest plops onto the floor

some simply beats the ground from above

few streams are out of order at the top

they enter the world of the shower fighting for

independence

water teams

some pushes or is being pushed.

Postdramatic Piece- ix, x, xi

2009-12-21T18:15:00.003-06:00

Considering the reactions to Beginnings, I am including these words from Philip Glass' book Music by Philip Glass (published in the U. K. as Opera on the Beach) to more fully explain the reason behind my experiment with these postdramatic pieces.

These selections come from the part of the book that discusses the making of the legenedary opera Einstein on the Beach, co-written with Robert Wilson, Christopher Knowles, Lucinda Childs, and Samuel M. Johnson. Glass finds a clear and unpretentious way of explaining post-dramatic theatre experiences such as Samuel Beckett's Play. These quotes are followed by a new piece-- ix, x, xi.

"In the four months that we toured Einstein in Europe we had many occasions to meet with our audiences, and people occasionally would ask us what it 'meant.' But far more often people told us what it meant to them, sometimes even giving us plot elucidation and complete scenario. The point about Einstein was clearly not what it “meant,” but that it was meaningful as generally experienced by the people who saw it."

"Every time you see Hamlet…the catharsis, or emotional high point, of the play comes in the same place. One might say that a classical or traditional play is a machine built in a specific way to make the emotional peak always happen in the places the author intended. Various productions, which include the visual elements of sets and costumes as well as acting styles of different schools, are designed to make the machine function precisely. This legacy of Western theater goes back to the Greeks: You can read about precisely this in Aristotle’s Poetics. It may at first seem astonishing how enduring these theatrical devices are, but on second thought, perhaps it is not so surprising since, after all, these are psychological mechanisms which can be intensely personal as well as broadly universal.

"But the point for me was this: When confronted with Beckett’s Play I was forced to see that the psychological mechanism was working quite differently from more traditionally constructed works. Otherwise, why and how could I experience Play so differently at different performances?

"This deeply puzzled me for a long time, and it finally led to the conclusion that Beckett worked for me the way it did because it was not a theatrical object with an interior mechanism designed to evoke a specific response. It occurred to me then that the emotion of Beckett’s theater did not reside in the piece in a way that allowed a complicated process of identification to trigger response. It is this identification with a play (or, more precisely, confusion of ourselves with the person in the play) that really is at the heart of traditional theater. No, Play worked differently."

*****

ix, x, xi

Duration: 20 min.

(red)

what made it even funnier was his name was the same as mine exactly well not exactly he was him and I was me with an h and an e and not with s h & e what made it even funnier was his name was the same as mine exactly well not exactly he was him and I was me with an h and an e and not with s h & e he he and he she 9 10 11 he she

what made it even funnier was his 9

name was the same as mine exactly well not 10

exactly he was him and I was me with an h 11

and an e and not with s h & e and back

(blue)

he looked at me with the most open face jaw line whose reputation preceded his arrival he

looked at me with the most open face jaw line whose reputation preceded his arrival he looked at

me with the most open face jaw line whose reputation preceded his arrival

i never felt at any time that the way he touched me had his whole body and eyes consumed on

my body i never felt like felt like I felt like he sunk into my soul that he had seen everything and

I was me with an h and an e and not with s h & e he he and he she 9 10 11 he she when he

touched me i felt touched but otherwise I forgot the way to feel

(change)

what made it even funnier was his name was the same as mine exactly well not exactly he was

him and I was me with an h and an e and not with s h & e what made it even funnier was his

name was the same as mine exactly well not exactly he was him and I was me with an h and an e

and not with s h & e he he and he she 9 10 11 he she

what made it even funnier was his

name was the same as mine exactly well not

exactly he was him and I was me with an h

and an e and not with s h & e

he looked at me with the most open face jaw line whose reputation preceded his arrival he

looked at me with the most open face jaw line whose reputation preceded his arrival he looked at

me with the most open face jaw line whose reputation preceded his arrival

i never felt at any time that the way he touched me had his whole body and eyes consumed on

my body i never felt like felt like I felt like he sunk into my soul that he had seen everything and

I was me with an h and an e and not with s h & e he he and he she 9 10 11 he she

(hold)

when he touched me i felt touched but otherwise I forgot the way to feel

Postdramatic Piece- BEGINNINGS

2009-12-20T14:07:00.003-06:00

Hans-Thies Lehmann wrote a book called Postdramatic Theatre, a work of research that attempts to aesthetically lock together so many post-1960's artists who developed theatre texts with avant-garde sensibilities. Lehmann has done this in much the same way Martin Esslin did for the Theatre of the Absurd when trying to understand Beckett and Ionesco and Genet, etc.

There are many of these postdramatic theatre writers whom I admire, from the American director Robert Wilson to the Austrian writer Elfriede Jelinek. I have also always felt that by continuing to write naturalistic plays, I am somehow hopelessly old-fashioned and am not furthering the journey of so many playwrights (i. e. England's shift from John Osborne to Sarah Kane).

With this in mind, I have begun to compose these theatre texts as sidelines to the work that I believe I was put on earth here to do.

They will be published on this blog and, to many of you, will seem completely bizarre. Perhaps they are. However, I feel like I should travel down this road while the interest is heated.

In the postdramatic theatre, texts are only one part of the full theatrical experience. The director might take the piece and set the words to music. They might express the piece in the form of dance or show film clips. The text is one part of a whole that is much more important. Also, like great works such as Einstein on the Beach, the audience finishes the meaning of the piece.

These pieces are free from royalty and may be used, copied, performed, or re-arranged as directors see fit. This does not apply to any other content on this blog or any related site. I only ask that, should the plays ever be performed, credit to this author be given and the title not be changed.

In order to start, it is always good to do so at the beginning.

Beginnings
Duration: 15 min.

begin begin beGINning begin beg-in begin beGIN beGIN beginNING begin beg beGIN

BEgin beginning beginning begin gin gin gi-binning begin be be be be be beGIN

with what the period dot the ripple begin in the beginning beGIN

GINde bin de beginning it said what trin the beginning what since the beginning if it

seems to the tea in the beginning with the sense did that of beginning if beginning

he beginning she beginning or it beginning begin GINbe ginning begin

where

what since the beginning

if at times beginning

if these were at gninnigeb beginning if begin to begin where begin beGINNING

if since to the beginning if at the same time beginning if beginning with bowtie

beginning

where with what that beginning if since the beginning if BEGINNING

WHAT BEGINNING

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Review

2009-08-05T02:19:00.004-05:00

I owe all Harry Potterheads who might read this review the information that I am not a die-hard Potter fan. I am a fan of the movies. But, I came to the series in a backwards way. A friend dragged me to see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets to assure me I would like the series and I did. I, then, caught up with the first movie. But, by the time I got around to reading the books (soon after the film version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire came out), I was bored by them because I already knew the plots from the films.

I know, I know. Many of you might find this treasonous, but it’s not completely my fault. I grew up in a household where the entertainment we watched was fairly naturalistic. No one in my family had any love for Tolkien, Star Wars, or anything with green people. So, I did not grow up with fantasy. I realize Harry Potter is a lot more than fantasy and a lot better than generic fantasy, so I safely assume we can continue now that you know I have a fondness for the movies and do not scold Potterheads for their mania.

Now, the sixth film—Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince—has arrived. This is the film that should have been released last year (and we can thank the Writers’ Strike because they ruined both Harry Potter and the Silver Age of Television) and it is terribly hard to consider this film as a stand-alone project. I cannot quibble with the directorial choices, performances, or story-mongering without putting it in the context of the other movies—especially Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. In fact, in some ways, this film is that film’s better half.

I liked the last movie. I was particularly moved by the climactic battle between Potter and Voldemort. But, watching the new movie, I began re-writing my review of the last one. Both films are directed by David Yates, whose most popular successes have been on television. This is not condescending to him as the British actually treat the boob tube as an art form unlike some countries I know. Still, this fact does point to a problem in the series.

The two best movies, Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire, were directed by filmmakers of aesthetic accomplishment. Anything Alfonso Cuarón touches is immaculate and the fact that he didn’t proceed to direct another Potter film saddens me greatly. Both of these films also had excellently crafted plots. Order of the Phoenix and Half-Blood Prince do not. Perhaps this is why Yates’ films seem so unfinished.

The last thirty minutes of Half-Blood Prince are so upsetting, confusing, and (eventually) pointless that it nearly ruins the experience of going to the theater. I have been told by some aficionados the book had the same effect on readers. I am not one to include spoilers, so I won’t. Suffice it to say one leaves the theatre disappointed in the film, upset at the last bit of action, and completely enraged that the series won’t end until 2011.

Early fan reviews of Half-Blood Prince complained of squelching the plot into a movie that was much too fast. I’m not sure what movie they were watching, but the entire hour in the middle of this film barely has any plot at all. There is a diversion in the arrival of Professor Slughorn (beautifully played by the incomparable Jim Broadbent), some interesting flashbacks, and a lot of adolescent love rearing its head but that’s about it.

While Daniel Radcliffe has continued to improve with each film, Emma Watson (as Hermione Grainger) steals every scene she’s in. Her burgeoning non-love affair with Ron Weasley (a more and more stupid looking Rupert Grint) is an alternatively pleasant and heart-breaking story line. Also, Potter’s new love interest, Ron’s younger sister, provides some of the best moments in the movie.

I’m all for teenage love, but one already has to go two hours and twenty-eight minutes before one learns who the Half-Blood Prince is and there is very little to keep you guessing in between. Sure, the effects are amazing. Yes, all the established Brit actors are fun to watch. Of course, this movie will not stop me from seeing the others. So, what’s the problem?

As hinted at earlier, I dislike re-writing my reviews of older films, but Half-Blood Prince requires you to re-evaluate Order of the Phoenix. I now see the last film as complete transition. I am hoping that is the same for this film because it certainly cannot stand by itself. But, Phoenix’s penchant for combining timeless elements with contemporary elements in design, dialogue, and other ways was once charming and is now annoying. I almost wish everything could go back to when Harry, Ron, and Hermione were running around with orange-and-yellow scarves instead of hip clothes. There is a possibility I would like to go back that far because times were so much happier then for poor old Harry.

It is unfortunate that Ralph Fiennes does not appear in this film. An entire movie without the primary villain certainly limits your conflict options for plot development. Still, I’m glad to see that they finally did something with Draco Malfoy instead of make fun of him.

This all seems very negative and, yet, I don’t want to give the impression that I totally hated it. There were moments in this film that were stunning and touching and beautiful and sad. But, there are also holes, inconsistencies, and less imagination than is usually found in one of these ventures.

I saw the film in its third week of release and it has now been virtually side-stepped by a lot of other much worse movies. I hope the distributors of this film see the amazing drop from the first weekend to the next and realize splitting up the final book is a very bad idea. It may, in fact, ruin the series artistically. I doubt they won’t make a profit, but you never know.

Ultimately what one has to say about Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is it is the only film in the series in which I have no desire to go back to the theatre and watch one or two more times.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Warner Bros. Pictures

Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter
Rupert Grint as Ron Weasley
Emma Watson as Hermione Grainger
Michael Gambon as Albus Dumbledore
Jim Broadbent as Horace Slughorn
Bonnie Wright as Ginny Weasley
Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange
Alan Rickman as Severus Snape
Tom Felton as Draco Malfoy
Maggie Smith as Minerva McGonagall

Directed by David Yates
Screenplay by Steve Kloves, based upon the novel by J. K. Rowling
Produced by David Barron and David Heyman
Cinematography by Bruno Delbonnel
Edited by Mark Day
Music by Nicholas Hooper

10 Things I Hate About You Review

2009-07-10T11:42:00.003-05:00

“I know you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?” “I think you can in Europe.”
“This morning, I delivered a set of twins to a fifteen year-old girl. Do you know what she said to me?...She said, ‘I should have listened to my father.’” “She did not.” “Well, that’s what she would have said if she wasn’t so doped up!”
“…[S]he kissed me.” “Where?” “In the car.”

There were only two teen comedies that I actually liked while I was in high school. The first was Can’t Hardly Wait—a funny, surprising movie about last chances that might as well be Nashville for the John Hughes set—and 10 Things I Hate About You, an improbable comedy based on William Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew. Nowadays, of course, I like more than those two. I am not immune to the hilarity of the teen comedy. But, those two still hold a special place for me. That is why when I heard ABC Family was doing a television series based on 10 Things I Hate About You, I nearly croaked. Not only did it seem too early after Heath Ledger’s death, but that cable station is not known for its quality of programming.

While Greek has its fans, ABC Family is best known for its program The Secret Life of the American Teenager. That program, completely devoid of irony or humor, is an insult to the intelligence of both teenagers and parents. If the after-school special was high art, Secret Life would be its Hamlet. Sitting down to see how 10 Things might have been developed for such a channel, I was surprised to find a show that is nearly as affable and charming as the film on which it is based.

The nod to Shakespeare is almost eliminated and this is a necessary infarction as it was mainly plot-related in the original. What is left instead are the main characters and basic set-up of Padua High School. The development into a series is actually not that big of a jump. The characters, created by screenwriters Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith, are lovable enough on their own to be enjoyed weekly in a half-hour format. The character traits have changed for some in the group, but for the better.

The character of Joey Donner, for example, (played by Chris Zylka) is not an over-conceited bastard as in the film. He is, instead, an over-conceited dolt. The Stratford sisters, played by Lindsey Shaw and Meaghan Jette Martin, are seemingly closer in age in the series. Their relationship is also different as Bianca uses Kat’s loss of virginity as a wild card when she wants to get her way. The sadly least-developed characters are the team of Cameron and Michael. In the film, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and David Krumholtz are our way into Padua and its cliques, pitfalls, and idiosyncrasies. The pair in the series is played by Nicholas Braun and Kyle Kaplan. Kaplan plays a Phil “Duckie” Dale type and Braun attempts the lunk-head charisma that Gordon-Levitt embodied, but falls short—at least in the Pilot.

The new creation of the series is the character of Chastity Church (Dana Davis), the head cheerleader and most popular girl in the school who Bianca researches on social networking sites and tries to impress. While Chastity is a character in the film (played by Gabrielle Union), she is a central figure in the series and, in the first episode, is at odds with Kat as are most people anyway. Patrick Verona (Ethan Peck) has a nearly silent presence in the Pilot, showing up occasionally to throw Kat off of her guard. It will be interesting to see how this version of Patrick is fleshed out, though it is admittedly hard to see a character created by Ledger played by someone else.

The great surprise of the series is the participation of Larry Miller, who ten years ago, played Dr. Stratford and made 10 Things a lasting impression in the minds of older viewers. He reprises his role as a baby-delivering-specialist who is constantly trying to protect his daughters’ maidenhood. Sadly missing is Ms. Perky, the guidance counselor played by Allison Janney in the film, who was the source of much of the best comedy in the movie. Instead, we have Principal Holland (played by Suzy Nakamura) who desperately tries to keep Chastity happy as her father helps fund the school.

To ABC Family’s credit, this 10 Things is funny, watchable, and has a sense of style very akin to the movie (the pilot, after all, is directed by the film’s director Gil Junger). The series was developed by Carter Covington, who has written for Greek, and does a very fine job of crafting a series that is a nice tribute and fun reinvention of a popular film. Also, one should commend the network for producing a teen show that is anathema to The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

Re-watching the film on its tenth anniversary, it is obvious its exuberant joy was a matter of a particular moment of bliss. Nonetheless, it is nice to see the spirit of the movie continuing on at a time when real entertainment for young people is scarce and situated in a place between the Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana.

10 Things I Hate About You
ABC Family, Tuesdays 8/7c

Lindsey Shaw as Kat Stratford
Meaghan Jette Martin as Bianca Stratford
Larry Miller as Dr. Walter Stratford
Ethan Peck as Patrick Verona
Nicholas Braun as Cameron James
Dana Davis as Chastity Church
Kyle Kaplan as Michael Bernstein
Chris Zylka as Joey Donner

Developed by Carter Covington
Based on the film written by Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten Smith

Chess in Concert Review

2009-07-08T10:45:00.003-05:00

The story of the musical Chess (not the plot, but the way it came about) is a story of glory and heartbreak for its creators and its fans. For the last twenty-three years, various producers, directors, and writers have tried desperately to apologize for the fact that the pop opera which first appeared as a concept album in 1984 has never reached the stage in full realization of its goodness. Chess in Concert (one of many concerts the show has received) has promised to lock in a version approved by its original creator and that may blossom in theatre houses all over the world. This concert, which has now been broadcast on PBS and is available on DVD and CD, finally gives Chess fans an opening to accept the apology, but it still leaves something unanswered about this powerful and damaged show.

In the 1970’s, the (now Lord) Andrew Lloyd Webber and (Sir) Tim Rice had struck gold twice with an unusual idea—that the release of a concept album of material would generate enough interest to theatre-makers/theatre-goers to consider mounting/seeing their shows, which were imbued with rock music and a kind of grandiose theatricality. Jesus Christ Superstar was really the first rock opera for the stage (Tommy, on record, had opened the door for the form) and Evita followed, although the latter show proved why its creators were not really suited for each other. In other words, Rice’s lyrics were too smart for Lloyd Webber and Lloyd Webber’s music was too quaint for Rice. The two went in search for other partners. Lloyd Webber dusted off an edition of T. S. Eliot’s Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats and set it for a certain dance musical and Rice found Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus, the two songwriters of the Swedish pop group ABBA.

The trio brought to life Rice’s idea of a sung-through, concept musical about chess championships and love triangles, which would underscore the overtones of the then-present Cold War. Rice, Andersson, and Ulvaeus went into the recording studio with a sketch of a plot (an American, a Russian, a chess second) and a good deal of incredible songs, whose styles ran the gamut from pastiche to rap to orchestral. The concept album which was the result, Chess, was released in 1984 and produced number one hits in Europe, such as Murray Head’s “One Night in Bangkok” and a duet between Elaine Paige and Barbara Dickson, “I Know Him So Well.”

After that, the story gets complicated—both the story inside Chess and the story of the making of the musical. In fact, if the story of Chess had ended here, it might have been a happy story. The concept album did elicit interest and a West End premiere was set with director Michael Bennett (conceiver of A Chorus Line) and a cast which included stars of the record—Paige (Rice’s lover), Head, and Tommy Körberg. For the staging, Rice flushed out the situation and wrote bits of dialogue which linked certain musical passages. It was obviously clear to him even at that early stage that the plot was so complex, it would require some book. But, the result was more of a rock operetta.

In some ways, the concept album is still the greatest triumph of Chess’ unhappy history. During preparations for the West End premiere, Bennett withdrew from the show due to sickness and was replaced by Trevor Nunn, a director whose dual facilities include staging respected revivals of Shakespeare and big, mega-million musicals such as Cats and Starlight Express. Nunn’s idea for Chess, however, was not about glitz and technology. That was Bennett’s idea. Nunn wanted naturalism, but he walked into a show with the casting, designs, and much of the technical wizardry already fixed. The result, most say, was a mixed artistic success. Reviews were also mixed, but from the beginning, Chess fans were screaming in the audience and the show ran for the better part of three years. The problem was getting it to Broadway.

There was no one in the Chess creative team who did not expect changes to be made for New York. Rice was preparing revised lyrics and story. But, by the time he came to the Great White Way, Nunn had hired Richard Nelson, an American playwright who has really only found success in London, to re-write the book entirely. The result was a disaster of taste. The book was loud, ugly, and copious; it also made Chess nearly a book musical with two much recitative. Naturally, the songs went completely out of order as well as most of the point flown away. The main character of Florence Vassy was Americanized, making it impossible for Elaine Paige to bring her British Florence to New York (instead, Nunn’s lover, Judy Kuhn, played the role). Some of Rice’s lyrics were tampered without his permission. One can easily see where this was going.

Chess opened on Broadway in 1988 to basically unfavorable reviews. Things were not helped by the end of the Cold War, making Chess a much-too-soon period piece. The truly sad part about this story is that the Broadway version of Chess is the only version allowed to be performed in the United States. In the United Kingdom, a 1994 re-write of the London version is licensed and is so much closer to the real idea of the work that the technical requirements of contracts seems silly when you consider what the Yanks lose in translation.

The history of Chess from 1988 to 2008 is much too confusing to even bring together in a version that makes sense. Over the years, Des McAnuff and countless others have staged various versions all around the world. A recent Swedish language translation was so successful that it was released on DVD. But, one thing has stood the test of time—the original concept album of Chess has continued to sell and inspire countless new Chess fans everywhere. Now, it seems, Rice is finalizing the show that contains his greatest work in the hopes of solidifying the show and inspiring revivals. Chess in Concert is the basket that Rice has laid all his eggs in. I’m happy to report, for the most part, the eggs and basket are very good.

On the surface, the DVD of Chess in Concert is extremely good-looking with a white version of the original concept artwork and the recording itself is also extremely professional for a concert show. Once you get inside, it is even more exciting. Sir Tim introduces the show, making a tiny quip about how many years it has taken to finalize Chess and introduces us to the principal artists involved.

Idina Menzel, I’m sad to report, comes off least well than any of the principals. Beside Josh Groban (as the Russian, Anatoly) and Adam Pascal (as the American, Frederick), her voice is timid and her performance confused. The one thing that was always true of Florence whether she was American or British is that she was intellectually formidable and strong. Menzel does not inhabit either of these traits or offer up her own interpretation of the character. If there is an interpretation, it seems to be completely emotional. That would be fine if she didn’t frequently shrug her shoulders and smile during lyrics that require power and grace. I take it as an article of faith that she is a talented performer, but there is no reason for “Nobody’s Side” (easily Sir Rice’s finest lyric) and “Heaven Help My Heart” to be out of rhythm with the music (the orchestra has to catch up with her rushing through them). One comes away from Chess in Concert remembering Anatoly as the main character and, while a great character, this ought not to be the case.

It is unnecessary to quibble with Groban’s acting talent—he’s not an actor. But, God almighty, can he sing. His version of “Anthem” at the conclusion of the first act is much the finest ever recorded of the song (and this is a difficult decision to make when you consider Körberg’s original and not to mention David Carroll’s Broadway version). Sometimes, Groban plays the part of an intellectual with too much stiffness, but his performance grows and, in the second act of the show, becomes quite moving and tender.

If acting and singing together must be considered, Adam Pascal and Kerry Ellis (as Anatoly’s wife) come off the best. Pascal has always been impressive and Freddie seems like a part in which he would soar in future productions. Ellis’ part is the saddest, of course, coming so late in the show. But, her version of “Someone Else’s Story” and her solid acting in the “Endgame” sequence create a character with flesh and bone and not just a sob-story.

Chess still has bits of dialogue, a lot of recitative, and a plot that if you concentrated too hard on, would start to not make sense. One of the chief problems of the first act is Anatoly and Florence fall in love so quickly that the reason for his defection is not fully understood. It is a plot point that cannot be completed with music alone (no matter how beautiful the “Mountain Duet” is). This would be a great place for dialogue and there isn’t any. The second act, however, is strikingly good as it always has been in Rice’s versions. Anatoly wins the final match and retains his world championship title, but in fact, he does not win anything.

Rice has now set the first act of Chess in 1979 and the second act in 1980. There are lots of things in the show that would support this move. First, a version which was produced Off-Broadway set in the 1960’s had always impressed Rice and he seems to be moving it back further in time to accommodate a Cold War much colder. The problem is that the line in the “Merchandising” sequence about Rubik’s Cubes being a popular commodity does not really work. Although invented in 1974, the eighties made the toy. This is a small anachronism, but if looked at closer, it opens up the problems of this new Chess.

If one changes Chess, one has to make adjustments (much like a move in the actual game). The adjustments, as Rice has admitted, have always been the problem. You almost have to create a new musical every time you stage it. The show is set, forever, in 1984. The music makes the most sense there, after all. Also, the songs are so popular among fans to cut any of them now would be disastrous even though some of them—“Heaven Help My Heart,” for instance—don’t make sense any longer.

This all begs the question, though: “Even considering the problems, is this still a good final version of Chess?” The overwhelming answer would have to be yes. If this version of Chess became available to America, America finally might know of how great Chess is. Also, if the DVD travels the world, which it is sure to do so, it will become the version set in people’s heads. The concept album was incredible and maybe the show’s material was never better than that version, but it’s no matter now. If people fall in love with this Chess, I’d rather it be that way.

The only question left unanswered concerns the material in the second act. At one point, the Arbiter (played a bit too soft-spoken by Marti Pellow) begins narrating the action. This made me wonder what the credit on the DVD “adapted by Tim Rice and Hugh Wooldridge (the director)” meant. Does the Arbiter narrate in the final version of the book? Or is this done only because there’s no firm set? It begs the question simply because Rice wanted this DVD to become the gold standard for the show. I’m hoping the adaptation only meant the interesting animations that are projected throughout the concert and the times at which the Choir takes over from the ensemble that performed most of the smaller parts.

If you have never experienced the glories of the score of Chess, you have missed out on one of the best written for the stage. If your heart has not nearly taken flight to “Nobody’s Side” or your soul hasn’t been stirred by Rice’s “Anthem,” then (in musical theatre terms) you ain’t lived. Chess may never be anything more than an idea that has never taken shape into a play. But, it is a great idea and this concert is well worth the wait. Hopefully, it will not be long before Chess is a hit again.

Chess in Concert
Book and Lyrics by Tim Rice
Music by Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus
at the Royal Albert Hall; London, U. K.

Josh Groban as Anatoly Sergievsky
Idina Menzel as Florence Vassy
Adam Pascal as Frederick Trumper
David Bedella as Anatoly Molokov
Kerry Ellis as Svetlana Sergievsky
Clarke Peters as Walter deCourcy
Marti Pellow as the Arbiter
Introduced by Tim Rice

David Firman, Conductor
City of London Philharmonic
Stuart Morley, Choral Director
West End Chorus
Mark Warman, Musical Director

Adapted by Tim Rice and Hugh Wooldridge
Directed by Hugh Wooldridge